Entry tags:
smut meme answers
Here are my answers to the smut meme, featuring some improbable crossovers and even more improbable pairings.
First of all, here's my character list:
A) James Bigglesworth (Biggles books)
B) Charles Xavier (X-Men)
C) George Brent (Colditz)
D) Douglas Richardson (Cabin Pressure)
E) Second Doctor (Doctor Who)
F) Edgar Wield (Dalziel and Pascoe novels)
G) Paul von Eissinger (Colditz)
H) Eighth Doctor (Doctor Who)
I) Pat Grant (Colditz)
J) Erik Lehnsherr (X-Men)
K) Archibald Haddock(Tintin)
L) Ethan Rayne (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
M) Algy Lacey (Biggles books)
N) Fitz Kreiner (Doctor Who Eighth Doctor Adventures novels)
O) Ralph Lanyon (The Charioteer)
P) John Watson (Sherlock-verse)
Q) Jamie McCrimmon (Doctor Who)
R) Martin Crieff (Cabin Pressure)
S) Thomas Nightingale (Rivers of London)
T) Owen Triggers (Wings)
U) Laurie Odell (The Charioteer)
V) Remus Lupin (Harry Potter)
W) Dick Player (Colditz)
X) Rupert Giles (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Y) Tintin (Tintin)
Z) Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock-verse)
And now for the questions and answers.
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st_aurafina:
1) What are F's (Edgar Wield's) theories about H's (the Eighth Doctor's) preferences in the boudoir?
They met during that really weird case that never did get solved; Wield was struck by his mood swings from almost-mad certainty to bewilderment, and how if you caught him at an unguarded moment there was a profound loneliness in his eyes, the look of someone who's been alone for as long as he can remember and can't imagine ever being anything else. As for what the Doctor might have seen in Wield's eyes, well, all Wield knows is that the Doctor kissed him once and for a second everything, everything seemed possible, and then it wasn't anymore and the kiss was a goodbye kiss. Even the Doctor, Wield thought and still thinks, had no idea what he wanted, but Wield likes to hope he's worked it out.
Note for the puzzled: in the Eighth Doctor Adventures novels, Eight spends over a hundred years stuck on earth with no memory of who he is. I'm assuming this scenario takes place during that period.
2) XYZ (Rupert Giles, Tintin, and Sherlock-verse Sherlock Holmes) in a bed! Who gets the middle? Who is the blanket-stealer?
Giles doesn't so much get the middle as he ends up there because the other two tend to get up in the middle of the night to think or in some cases to pursue outrageously dangerous schemes without telling anyone. Sherlock is of course an epic blanket-stealer; he wraps them around himself like a mummy and the other two are never sure if he's telling the truth when he says he was asleep when he did it. Eventually Giles, who likes a practical solution, starts sewing bits of ribbon to the corners of the blankets and duvets and fastening them to the bed leg on the side opposite Sherlock, which seems to have solved the problem for now.
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halotolerant:
3) B (Charles Xavier) is offered the choice of sex with either G (Paul von Eissinger) or K (Archibald Haddock) - who does he choose and why?
Well, Paul is a lot more like Erik--smart, prickly, difficult to know, ruthless in pursuing his beliefs--but that's a double-edged sword. One Erik in his life and occasionally in his bed is enough, even though Paul, again like Erik, is more Charles's physical type. So Charles would go for warmth and rough kindness and lack of entanglement, since Haddock's heart is definitely bestowed elsewhere just like Charles's is, and pick Haddock.
4) If C's (George Brent's) lover offered sexual favours in exchange for something what would C ask for... and what would he really secretly want?
Wheeee! I could see this being the kind of game George and Harry might play, some years into their relationship when they're learned to talk about sex with less embarrassment.
Since George's sexual and emotional pleasure with Harry is so entwined with his ability to give Harry pleasure, he'd ask Harry to just lie back and close his eyes and let George touch him in all kinds of ways and to tell George how it all feels. At first it's just the obvious kinds of things--stroking, kissing, licking--but then George starts getting creative. He tickles Harry with paintbrushes and runs odd bits of kitchen equipment over his skin, drips warm water and cold water and warm oil on him, puts his fingers in Harry's mouth and explores the shape of it. He even carefully reintroduces very gentle biting, and they find that if it's not forceful but just pressure or the graze of teeth against skin, Harry does like it. And for the first time George puts his fingers into Harry's backside, which they've never done before because it just sounded so odd, but by this point a mood of absolute openness has come over them. It's nice, and George learns a bit about exactly what kinds of penetration and movement feel the best to Harry, which he makes use of shortly thereafter when they finish up by having anal sex (which is George's single favorite sexual act and for Harry a close second behind receiving oral sex from George).
What George secretly wishes is that somehow he could do everything wonderful to Harry all at once. George has perhaps a bit of a tentacle kink without even being aware that such a thing exists, because he would love to be able to hold Harry just where he wants him and touch him simultaneously in all the places and all the ways Harry likes best, and penetrate him orally and anally so that their bodies are as close together as possible and Harry is entirely open to him, entirely and happily surrendered and his, overwhelmed by all the pleasure George can give him. (George Brent: world's gentlest dom.)
5) If Y (Tintin) and F (Edgar Wield) get together, who's 'on top'? (interpret 'on top' to any given value.
Wield is the penetrating partner when they have anal sex, but Tintin is physically on top (he likes the freedom of movement and Wield likes to watch him). Emotionally Tintin is on top, because Tintin has that cool distance from almost everyone whereas Wield is secretly prone to adoration and protectiveness, especially towards pretty young men (*coughPeterPascoecough*).
6) W (Dick Player) and R (Martin Crieff) have sex - good idea or not?
Oh, god, I can feel my brain shattering into a thousand tiny pieces.
From Dick's perspective, sex is always a good idea. (We're going to presume that somehow time travel is involved and Dick is not being unfaithful to Pat, which he would consider a bad idea however tempting it might be in the moment.) He also enjoys educating the sexually inexperienced and shy, so for him it's a win all round. For Martin, well, the sex is great and he can't believe his luck that someone so beautiful would want to go to bed with him, but he's also a little bit in love with Dick (as happens to at least a quarter of the people who ever meet Dick) and it hurts that the sex is definitely a one-night stand in which Dick feels no emotion beyond pleasure and friendliness. Martin could very easily turn it into something to be miserable about (the one time in his life he had something good and of course he couldn't make it last, who'd want to be with him over the long term?) but I like to think Douglas pries the secret out of him later and gives him some perspective.
7) O (Ralph Lanyon) is particularly good at one sex act - what is it?
After Ralph's hand is injured during the Dunkirk evacuation, he finds himself reluctant to touch people with it. To compensate, because it's important to him to be good at things, including sex, he starts giving oral sex much more often than he'd done before. And he gets very very good at it, in part because he feels more relaxed then because his injured hand is out of the other man's line of sight and he's not worried about it inspiring revulsion. (Ralph's relationship with Bunny contributes bigtime to his issues--Bunny really does hate Ralph touching him with that hand, and it suits Bunny to make Ralph feel insecure. Laurie eventually helps Ralph over the worst of his sef-disgust, but by that time Ralph has come to enjoy giving oral and especially the way Laurie responds to it.)
Frommiss_morland:
8) T (Owen Triggers) is cheating on A (Biggles) with D (Douglas Richardson) -- what happens when A finds out?
Good lord, it's the pilot love triangle! I actually do rather ship Triggers with Biggles, in that crossovery, "I have invented a 'ship out of the whole cloth" way. And I'm tempted to say that Triggers would never, ever cheat. But Douglas can be terribly persuasive . . .
The thing about Biggles, and actually about Triggers as well, is that they're not very good at feelings. They have feelings, lots of them, but they've both learned from their upbringings and from the war to repress like hell. They're also both high-strung and nervy, so the repression is interspersed with tantrums (Triggers), heavy drinking (both of them, but Biggles a bit more so), and senseless risk-taking (both of them). So when Biggles (who let us remember, is still a teenage boy during the war) finds out, he dashes off in his plane and nearly gets himself killed, then comes back and gets stupendously drunk, then mopes and drinks until Triggers finds him and they shout at each other for a while. Then, hopefully, Biggles breaks down into tears, and that pierces right through Triggers' rage (he's not angry at Biggles--how could he be?--he's just angry) and they both have a good cry and are calmer and can talk things out. They talk about how fear makes you do stupid things, especially when it's fear for someone else rather than fear for yourself; talking about fear is the closest they've come to talking about love, and it hurts but it also feels as terrifyingly freeing as flight does. Triggers solemnly vows not to do it again, by which point Biggles is saying, in effect, we could both die any day and you should take pleasure where you can find it, but Triggers interrupts him and insists that no, he's not going to do it again so would James kindly stop being a noble idiot? Then there's sex and sleep, and Triggers flies back to his own squadron at first light. They both fly missions again that day, and god knows what happens after that.
9) What is M's (Algy Lacey's) secret fantasy, and how does V (Remus Lupin) react to it?
I don't know why this seems more improbable than the other crossovers, but it does. Also, I suspect Algy's secret fantasies all involve Biggles. But then Remus is not ungenerous and probably wouldn't mind putting on a flying helmet in a good cause. (*insert 'Allo 'Allo wet celery joke here*)
10) S (Thomas Nightingale) and L (Ethan Rayne) both fantasise about N (Fitz Kreiner): why?
In 1950 Thomas stumbled upon a boy of about 15 being beaten up by two other boys, who were calling him "Fritz" and "Jerry" and other charming names. Thomas intervened, and when mentioning that he had fought Jerry and this boy definitely wasn't one of them didn't seem to convince, he thwacked one of the aggressors with his walking stick and they ran away. He bought the boy a cup of tea and eventually Fitz opened up and explained about his father being German and all the problems this had brought him, and even mentioned that his mother was "unwell." Something in Fitz's loneliness spoke to Thomas's own, and he ended up arranging to meet the boy again. They'd meet and talk, Thomas would buy them a meal--Fitz always seemed to be hungry and Thomas suspected his mysterious mother wasn't able to look after him at all--and it was very nice for as long as Thomas managed not to see that Fitz was infatuated with him in the way that a fatherless boy can ache for an older man to pay him some attention. But he couldn't ignore it once he'd finally let himself see it, and then he had to take a hard look at his own motivations. He'd never been the sort of man to desire young boys, and Fitz wasn't even a pretty boy, with his long nose and his scruffy hair and his gangly body. But Thomas had been alone too long and he was starting to feel things for this boy, to want things, that were not right. So he just didn't turn up for their next meeting. He knew it would hurt Fitz, but it would hurt him less than what might happen otherwise. After that Thomas had a few vivid dreams, and a couple of conscious fantasies that he decided couldn't harm anything now, and then eventually he mostly forgot about it. (Fitz never forgot, and when in 1963 another charming old-fashioned man with an air of secret sorrow appeared in his life, Fitz was more than ready to follow him around the universe.)
As for Ethan . . . somewhere in the multiverse there's a world where Fitz really did become rock-and-roll superstar Fitz Fortune. The adolescent Ethan had a massive crush on him and used to daydream about meeting him, becoming his best friend . . . and as Ethan grew older the fantasies became more sexual and were a big factor in Ethan realizing he was gay.
Fromwishfulaces:
11) What's the most public place A (Biggles) and Z (Sherlock) have had sex?
These are two adrenaline junkies we're talking about, so they've had lots of semi-public sex wherever the mood happens to take them, or sometimes specifically for the risk of being seen. Toilets, alleys, crammed into the cockpit of Biggles' (parked) replica Sopwith Camel, the backseats of taxis. But the most public was one time Sherlock walked Biggles (whom Sherlock had just learned was afraid of heights when not in a plane) right to the edge of the rooftop of a tall building and stood him there, holding him from behind, and gave him a hand job. Pictures of this, taken by someone in the building opposite, eventually ended up all over the internet, but luckily their faces were shadowed.
First of all, here's my character list:
A) James Bigglesworth (Biggles books)
B) Charles Xavier (X-Men)
C) George Brent (Colditz)
D) Douglas Richardson (Cabin Pressure)
E) Second Doctor (Doctor Who)
F) Edgar Wield (Dalziel and Pascoe novels)
G) Paul von Eissinger (Colditz)
H) Eighth Doctor (Doctor Who)
I) Pat Grant (Colditz)
J) Erik Lehnsherr (X-Men)
K) Archibald Haddock(Tintin)
L) Ethan Rayne (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
M) Algy Lacey (Biggles books)
N) Fitz Kreiner (Doctor Who Eighth Doctor Adventures novels)
O) Ralph Lanyon (The Charioteer)
P) John Watson (Sherlock-verse)
Q) Jamie McCrimmon (Doctor Who)
R) Martin Crieff (Cabin Pressure)
S) Thomas Nightingale (Rivers of London)
T) Owen Triggers (Wings)
U) Laurie Odell (The Charioteer)
V) Remus Lupin (Harry Potter)
W) Dick Player (Colditz)
X) Rupert Giles (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Y) Tintin (Tintin)
Z) Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock-verse)
And now for the questions and answers.
From
st_aurafina: 1) What are F's (Edgar Wield's) theories about H's (the Eighth Doctor's) preferences in the boudoir?
They met during that really weird case that never did get solved; Wield was struck by his mood swings from almost-mad certainty to bewilderment, and how if you caught him at an unguarded moment there was a profound loneliness in his eyes, the look of someone who's been alone for as long as he can remember and can't imagine ever being anything else. As for what the Doctor might have seen in Wield's eyes, well, all Wield knows is that the Doctor kissed him once and for a second everything, everything seemed possible, and then it wasn't anymore and the kiss was a goodbye kiss. Even the Doctor, Wield thought and still thinks, had no idea what he wanted, but Wield likes to hope he's worked it out.
Note for the puzzled: in the Eighth Doctor Adventures novels, Eight spends over a hundred years stuck on earth with no memory of who he is. I'm assuming this scenario takes place during that period.
2) XYZ (Rupert Giles, Tintin, and Sherlock-verse Sherlock Holmes) in a bed! Who gets the middle? Who is the blanket-stealer?
Giles doesn't so much get the middle as he ends up there because the other two tend to get up in the middle of the night to think or in some cases to pursue outrageously dangerous schemes without telling anyone. Sherlock is of course an epic blanket-stealer; he wraps them around himself like a mummy and the other two are never sure if he's telling the truth when he says he was asleep when he did it. Eventually Giles, who likes a practical solution, starts sewing bits of ribbon to the corners of the blankets and duvets and fastening them to the bed leg on the side opposite Sherlock, which seems to have solved the problem for now.
From
halotolerant:3) B (Charles Xavier) is offered the choice of sex with either G (Paul von Eissinger) or K (Archibald Haddock) - who does he choose and why?
Well, Paul is a lot more like Erik--smart, prickly, difficult to know, ruthless in pursuing his beliefs--but that's a double-edged sword. One Erik in his life and occasionally in his bed is enough, even though Paul, again like Erik, is more Charles's physical type. So Charles would go for warmth and rough kindness and lack of entanglement, since Haddock's heart is definitely bestowed elsewhere just like Charles's is, and pick Haddock.
4) If C's (George Brent's) lover offered sexual favours in exchange for something what would C ask for... and what would he really secretly want?
Wheeee! I could see this being the kind of game George and Harry might play, some years into their relationship when they're learned to talk about sex with less embarrassment.
Since George's sexual and emotional pleasure with Harry is so entwined with his ability to give Harry pleasure, he'd ask Harry to just lie back and close his eyes and let George touch him in all kinds of ways and to tell George how it all feels. At first it's just the obvious kinds of things--stroking, kissing, licking--but then George starts getting creative. He tickles Harry with paintbrushes and runs odd bits of kitchen equipment over his skin, drips warm water and cold water and warm oil on him, puts his fingers in Harry's mouth and explores the shape of it. He even carefully reintroduces very gentle biting, and they find that if it's not forceful but just pressure or the graze of teeth against skin, Harry does like it. And for the first time George puts his fingers into Harry's backside, which they've never done before because it just sounded so odd, but by this point a mood of absolute openness has come over them. It's nice, and George learns a bit about exactly what kinds of penetration and movement feel the best to Harry, which he makes use of shortly thereafter when they finish up by having anal sex (which is George's single favorite sexual act and for Harry a close second behind receiving oral sex from George).
What George secretly wishes is that somehow he could do everything wonderful to Harry all at once. George has perhaps a bit of a tentacle kink without even being aware that such a thing exists, because he would love to be able to hold Harry just where he wants him and touch him simultaneously in all the places and all the ways Harry likes best, and penetrate him orally and anally so that their bodies are as close together as possible and Harry is entirely open to him, entirely and happily surrendered and his, overwhelmed by all the pleasure George can give him. (George Brent: world's gentlest dom.)
5) If Y (Tintin) and F (Edgar Wield) get together, who's 'on top'? (interpret 'on top' to any given value.
Wield is the penetrating partner when they have anal sex, but Tintin is physically on top (he likes the freedom of movement and Wield likes to watch him). Emotionally Tintin is on top, because Tintin has that cool distance from almost everyone whereas Wield is secretly prone to adoration and protectiveness, especially towards pretty young men (*coughPeterPascoecough*).
6) W (Dick Player) and R (Martin Crieff) have sex - good idea or not?
Oh, god, I can feel my brain shattering into a thousand tiny pieces.
From Dick's perspective, sex is always a good idea. (We're going to presume that somehow time travel is involved and Dick is not being unfaithful to Pat, which he would consider a bad idea however tempting it might be in the moment.) He also enjoys educating the sexually inexperienced and shy, so for him it's a win all round. For Martin, well, the sex is great and he can't believe his luck that someone so beautiful would want to go to bed with him, but he's also a little bit in love with Dick (as happens to at least a quarter of the people who ever meet Dick) and it hurts that the sex is definitely a one-night stand in which Dick feels no emotion beyond pleasure and friendliness. Martin could very easily turn it into something to be miserable about (the one time in his life he had something good and of course he couldn't make it last, who'd want to be with him over the long term?) but I like to think Douglas pries the secret out of him later and gives him some perspective.
7) O (Ralph Lanyon) is particularly good at one sex act - what is it?
After Ralph's hand is injured during the Dunkirk evacuation, he finds himself reluctant to touch people with it. To compensate, because it's important to him to be good at things, including sex, he starts giving oral sex much more often than he'd done before. And he gets very very good at it, in part because he feels more relaxed then because his injured hand is out of the other man's line of sight and he's not worried about it inspiring revulsion. (Ralph's relationship with Bunny contributes bigtime to his issues--Bunny really does hate Ralph touching him with that hand, and it suits Bunny to make Ralph feel insecure. Laurie eventually helps Ralph over the worst of his sef-disgust, but by that time Ralph has come to enjoy giving oral and especially the way Laurie responds to it.)
From
miss_morland:8) T (Owen Triggers) is cheating on A (Biggles) with D (Douglas Richardson) -- what happens when A finds out?
Good lord, it's the pilot love triangle! I actually do rather ship Triggers with Biggles, in that crossovery, "I have invented a 'ship out of the whole cloth" way. And I'm tempted to say that Triggers would never, ever cheat. But Douglas can be terribly persuasive . . .
The thing about Biggles, and actually about Triggers as well, is that they're not very good at feelings. They have feelings, lots of them, but they've both learned from their upbringings and from the war to repress like hell. They're also both high-strung and nervy, so the repression is interspersed with tantrums (Triggers), heavy drinking (both of them, but Biggles a bit more so), and senseless risk-taking (both of them). So when Biggles (who let us remember, is still a teenage boy during the war) finds out, he dashes off in his plane and nearly gets himself killed, then comes back and gets stupendously drunk, then mopes and drinks until Triggers finds him and they shout at each other for a while. Then, hopefully, Biggles breaks down into tears, and that pierces right through Triggers' rage (he's not angry at Biggles--how could he be?--he's just angry) and they both have a good cry and are calmer and can talk things out. They talk about how fear makes you do stupid things, especially when it's fear for someone else rather than fear for yourself; talking about fear is the closest they've come to talking about love, and it hurts but it also feels as terrifyingly freeing as flight does. Triggers solemnly vows not to do it again, by which point Biggles is saying, in effect, we could both die any day and you should take pleasure where you can find it, but Triggers interrupts him and insists that no, he's not going to do it again so would James kindly stop being a noble idiot? Then there's sex and sleep, and Triggers flies back to his own squadron at first light. They both fly missions again that day, and god knows what happens after that.
9) What is M's (Algy Lacey's) secret fantasy, and how does V (Remus Lupin) react to it?
I don't know why this seems more improbable than the other crossovers, but it does. Also, I suspect Algy's secret fantasies all involve Biggles. But then Remus is not ungenerous and probably wouldn't mind putting on a flying helmet in a good cause. (*insert 'Allo 'Allo wet celery joke here*)
10) S (Thomas Nightingale) and L (Ethan Rayne) both fantasise about N (Fitz Kreiner): why?
In 1950 Thomas stumbled upon a boy of about 15 being beaten up by two other boys, who were calling him "Fritz" and "Jerry" and other charming names. Thomas intervened, and when mentioning that he had fought Jerry and this boy definitely wasn't one of them didn't seem to convince, he thwacked one of the aggressors with his walking stick and they ran away. He bought the boy a cup of tea and eventually Fitz opened up and explained about his father being German and all the problems this had brought him, and even mentioned that his mother was "unwell." Something in Fitz's loneliness spoke to Thomas's own, and he ended up arranging to meet the boy again. They'd meet and talk, Thomas would buy them a meal--Fitz always seemed to be hungry and Thomas suspected his mysterious mother wasn't able to look after him at all--and it was very nice for as long as Thomas managed not to see that Fitz was infatuated with him in the way that a fatherless boy can ache for an older man to pay him some attention. But he couldn't ignore it once he'd finally let himself see it, and then he had to take a hard look at his own motivations. He'd never been the sort of man to desire young boys, and Fitz wasn't even a pretty boy, with his long nose and his scruffy hair and his gangly body. But Thomas had been alone too long and he was starting to feel things for this boy, to want things, that were not right. So he just didn't turn up for their next meeting. He knew it would hurt Fitz, but it would hurt him less than what might happen otherwise. After that Thomas had a few vivid dreams, and a couple of conscious fantasies that he decided couldn't harm anything now, and then eventually he mostly forgot about it. (Fitz never forgot, and when in 1963 another charming old-fashioned man with an air of secret sorrow appeared in his life, Fitz was more than ready to follow him around the universe.)
As for Ethan . . . somewhere in the multiverse there's a world where Fitz really did become rock-and-roll superstar Fitz Fortune. The adolescent Ethan had a massive crush on him and used to daydream about meeting him, becoming his best friend . . . and as Ethan grew older the fantasies became more sexual and were a big factor in Ethan realizing he was gay.
From
wishfulaces:11) What's the most public place A (Biggles) and Z (Sherlock) have had sex?
These are two adrenaline junkies we're talking about, so they've had lots of semi-public sex wherever the mood happens to take them, or sometimes specifically for the risk of being seen. Toilets, alleys, crammed into the cockpit of Biggles' (parked) replica Sopwith Camel, the backseats of taxis. But the most public was one time Sherlock walked Biggles (whom Sherlock had just learned was afraid of heights when not in a plane) right to the edge of the rooftop of a tall building and stood him there, holding him from behind, and gave him a hand job. Pictures of this, taken by someone in the building opposite, eventually ended up all over the internet, but luckily their faces were shadowed.
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