and now, a poll

[kindkit]

Following on from my previous post, because now I'm beginning to wonder if what I think is my culture's view of adoption and birth mothers is not actually the case. The poll is as anonymous as I can make it, and anonymous comments are allowed.

Poll #18972

This poll is anonymous.
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: Just the Poll Creator, participants: 27

When a woman places her child up for adoption rather than raising the child herself, how is that predominantly viewed in your culture (not necessarily by you)?

Good! This is an excellent thing to do if she felt unable to raise the child herself.
11 (40.7%)

Neutral, neither good nor bad.
6 (22.2%)

Bad. She should have raised the child.
3 (11.1%)

Adoption is extremely rare or nonexistent in my culture.
2 (7.4%)

Other, which I may choose to elaborate on in the comments.
5 (18.5%)

Comments

[vilakins]

Adoption of children born here used to be more common in my culture decades ago* (I think more due to the shame rather than any other reason), but now it's mainly children from overseas (Asia or eastern Europe) due to the welfare state providing for single mothers. I do know a couple who adopted children from abusive homes.

* Greg's grandmother was adopted, and in a branch of our family a child was brought up by his grandparents whom he assumed were his parents; it turned out later than his older sister was his mother.

OTOH in Maori culture, often families will adopt a child from relatives because they have no children of their own, or because the parents are finding things hard; this works well as families are extended anyway.

[kindkit]

*nods* When I made the poll I was thinking of the old-school Western model of formal, closed adoption, where there's no further contact between birth mother and child. Informal adoptions and the adoption customs of non-western cultures definitely create a more complex picture.

[vilakins]

The old-school Western model of formal, closed adoption certainly did exist here but is long gone. In Greg's family, a sister is trying to trace who their grandmother's real parents were, and also suspect their mother had a child before she married who was adopted out, but it's very hard to find these things out.

Formal adoption still exists, and the vetting of adoptive parents for suitability (of whatever gender mix) is quite thorough, but the children's birth parents are on open record, and some even have visiting rights if they're not the abusive parent. I suppose adoptions for non-abuse reasons still happen, but they only ones I know of are children from overseas orphanages.

ETA as not addressed: as I've not heard of anyone putting their child up for adoption nowadays, I have no idea if the mother would be blamed or stigmatised. IMO it's very good if she doesn't feel able to bring up the child for whatever reason, and it's her decision.