a passing thought

[kindkit]

I've just read a very good fic that demonstrates (among other things) that consent and good communication can be extremely sexy indeed.

But (and this is not a criticism of that fic, to be clear), it occurs to me that in every fic I've seen do that, the communication is always ultimately yes, and the consent is always ultimately given. Maybe there are issues, maybe someone's traumatized about something or just plain nervous, and overcoming that to get to a place of joyous consent and pleasure is the point.

What I don't think I've ever seen--and I admit I haven't been looking for it, or indeed reading much fic at all for a long time--is a fic that's focused on communication and consent, but where the communication is no. No, I don't want to do this specific act. No I don't want this, I don't enjoy this. And (this is the key part) where the result is still good joyous loving consensual sex. (NB I'm not talking about fic where a character is asexual and doesn't want to have sex at all. That's its own category; I mean characters who want to have sex together but where certain things are off-limits.)

No doubt it exists, because everything exists somewhere in fanfic. But I'll bet it isn't nearly as common as the other kind.


By the way, the very good fic in question is this one. It takes a premise I absolutely do not believe, that I think is implicitly but strongly contradicted by canon (Stede as sexually experienced with men) and makes it work. (The fic is from Ed's POV; it would have been a lot harder to make it work in Stede's POV, I think. But Mia_ugly writes Ed amazingly well, and I can believe inexperienced Ed from her even though my read of Ed in canon is very much the opposite.)


Buttercup (13819 words) by mia_ugly
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet
Characters: Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet
Additional Tags: Porn with Feelings, Mutual Pining, Bad Sex, But Then Better Sex!, First Time, Inexperienced Ed, Experienced Stede, how the turntables, Pirate-typical violence, Blackbeard-Typical Angst, post-reunion, terms of endearment, Happy Ending
Summary: The thing is, when you’re Blackbeard you’ve got kind of a reputation to uphold. When you captain a ship, when you lead a crew, when people look up to you, tell stories, build a legend – parts of that legend are always more accurate than others.

And maybe you just let it slide, some of the things people say. Some of the things they assume. Maybe you swagger around and wear black leather and are a handsy bastard and let the stories tell themselves.

Maybe you don't want to talk about it.

Comments

[sovay]

No, I don't want to do this specific act. No I don't want this, I don't enjoy this.

If it survives into the finished novel, I have read a quite good sex scene with explicit off-limits (and not traumatically so), but the novel in question is still in progress and therefore I can't point anyone to it. I agree with you that it seems less common to me than the alternative, because so much of the pattern is the assumption that with the right person, everyone wants everything.

[marginalia]

That's such a great question, and I can only recall seeing anything like it once (in a genderswap modern AU with a lot of gender exploration, & the no was related to that iirc.)

But I'd absolutely like to see more of it. More "no" & more "stop" that was respected & ended happily. Also, and this is more because a lot of my fandoms these days are university and 20something characters, more initially bad sex. There's one I think of a lot that included a lot of messy, figuring-it-out, and more of that would be good. Probably like above, but also with both inexperienced.

I get that it's so often about the fantasy (and like sovay says above, the idea that with the right person...) but there's also so much to explore with characters in how they handle boundaries and more.

[resonant]

I've seen a lot of "I'm not ready for that yet," "I've never liked that before but I'm up for trying it," "I had a couple of ugly experiences with that so let's work up to it slowly and have a panic button handy," "I don't do that with just anybody but I'll do it with you," "Aw, nobody likes that, we all just do it so someone will return the favor ... what, really?" -- but you're right, it's uncommon to read "That's not for me so let's do something else." I'd love to see it done well. Saying no is really intimate.

[rydra_wong]

This is a very good thought -- I'd love to see more fic that hits this spot and I've only seen odd pieces that get near it.

The closest I can think of off the top of my head is this RQG Zolf/Wilde piece, in which Zolf is the kind of grey-a person who's extremely not into being touched sexually himself but, they establish, into doing the touching:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29742129?view_full_work=true

[lilacsigil]

I have seen it, but not very often - the characters in question had a previous relationship, one of them got magic amnesia and doesn't really recover much, and when they resume their relationship there's a fair bit of negotiation. A lot more fic with the same couple either has him remember things in time or be very enthusiastic anyway.

[silveradept]

I feel like the space you're describing might be well-served by people writing kinkier romances, with the caveat of needing the author to have a good grounding of how it works with humans in our reality. Since romance and fic often move toward making fantasies happen, they're not always interested in no as much as yes.

(I think the closest I've ever gotten to what you're looking for is a situation of "two first-timers trying something and having a good read of each other so that when one freezes, the other knows to back off, and they stay friends afterward." So no satisfying sex, but definitely a situation where a firm no comes out and is respected.)