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Entry tags:
situation normal, moderately fucked up
I've been feeling stressed, and also kind of low, for a variety of reasons: the general state of the world, the increasingly annoying state of my job, the usual holiday retail stress, and having three medical appointments in 2 weeks. The medical appointments were all routine, and they're over now and went fine, but experience has taught me that I will be humiliated and browbeaten at all medical appointments, and while this is usually not the case with my current providers, I can't seem to unlearn it. My blood pressure SHOOTS up to worrying levels every time, although when I monitor at home it's normal (thanks to meds); at the second appointment of the most recent three, they retested at the end when I was more calm and my systolic pressure had dropped more than 40 points. So at least my white coat syndrome is documented now!
Also stressful: as we reach the end of 2023, I had to try and dig out paperwork for the claims that my stupid FSA* demanded more documentation of. I've been putting it off forever and of course stressing more and more, but I finally did it today and managed to find most of what I needed.
Anyway, I've spent much of December feeling emotionally crappy, but hopefully things will swing up again now that the medical stuff is over. As soon as the last appointment was over--yesterday--I stopped feeling queasy and on the verge of tears, which is a start.
I'm taking a whole three days off for Christmas, go me! This is mostly because Christmas falls on a Monday this year and my regular days off are Tuesday and Wednesday. It's still nice; there've been a lot of years that I worked Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. I'm looking forward to doing nothing in particular.
My gaming group had been planning to meet this Saturday, the 23rd, but our GM and host is currently ill so that's probably not happening. *sigh* It's the only thing I do socially these days, because with COVID not going away, I like being around lots of people even less than I ever did. I was looking forward to it.
Ah, well. Christmas is coming, bringing a few days off for me, and hopefully some of that peace and goodwill in the world that I keep hearing about. Also today, or maybe tomorrow, is the solstice, and the light will start coming back. On the whole I prefer winter to summer, but I wish we could have cold weather without having it be so dark. (I know why we can't. But a boy can wish.)
(*FSAs/HSAs are a medical savings plan offered by some American health insurance companies. They allow you to set aside a certain amount of money each year, tax free, that can be spent on medical expenses not covered by insurance. The advantage, besides being tax free, is that while the money is deducted from your paycheck over the course of the year, you can use the whole total from the start. The disadvantages are, however, large: (1) it's so bureaucratic that I just had to provide documentation that money I paid to a medical laboratory associated with a hospital was really a medical expense, and (2) any money that you don't spend, you lose. Where does it go? No one will say. I assume the administering company keeps it. Perhaps the executives have a party. Both these things make having an FSA stressful. I go back and forth about whether it's worth it, and in the end I decided to put a lot less money in it next year.)
Mostly I'm posting this so you know why I've been so scarce, and even worse than usual at answering comments. I always appreciate it when folks reply to my posts, and I'll try to do better about responding. And I do read everybody's posts, even when I don't comment. Please accept my virtual hugs and real gratitude, all of you.
Also stressful: as we reach the end of 2023, I had to try and dig out paperwork for the claims that my stupid FSA* demanded more documentation of. I've been putting it off forever and of course stressing more and more, but I finally did it today and managed to find most of what I needed.
Anyway, I've spent much of December feeling emotionally crappy, but hopefully things will swing up again now that the medical stuff is over. As soon as the last appointment was over--yesterday--I stopped feeling queasy and on the verge of tears, which is a start.
I'm taking a whole three days off for Christmas, go me! This is mostly because Christmas falls on a Monday this year and my regular days off are Tuesday and Wednesday. It's still nice; there've been a lot of years that I worked Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. I'm looking forward to doing nothing in particular.
My gaming group had been planning to meet this Saturday, the 23rd, but our GM and host is currently ill so that's probably not happening. *sigh* It's the only thing I do socially these days, because with COVID not going away, I like being around lots of people even less than I ever did. I was looking forward to it.
Ah, well. Christmas is coming, bringing a few days off for me, and hopefully some of that peace and goodwill in the world that I keep hearing about. Also today, or maybe tomorrow, is the solstice, and the light will start coming back. On the whole I prefer winter to summer, but I wish we could have cold weather without having it be so dark. (I know why we can't. But a boy can wish.)
(*FSAs/HSAs are a medical savings plan offered by some American health insurance companies. They allow you to set aside a certain amount of money each year, tax free, that can be spent on medical expenses not covered by insurance. The advantage, besides being tax free, is that while the money is deducted from your paycheck over the course of the year, you can use the whole total from the start. The disadvantages are, however, large: (1) it's so bureaucratic that I just had to provide documentation that money I paid to a medical laboratory associated with a hospital was really a medical expense, and (2) any money that you don't spend, you lose. Where does it go? No one will say. I assume the administering company keeps it. Perhaps the executives have a party. Both these things make having an FSA stressful. I go back and forth about whether it's worth it, and in the end I decided to put a lot less money in it next year.)
Mostly I'm posting this so you know why I've been so scarce, and even worse than usual at answering comments. I always appreciate it when folks reply to my posts, and I'll try to do better about responding. And I do read everybody's posts, even when I don't comment. Please accept my virtual hugs and real gratitude, all of you.
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I'm glad you're getting an actual short break at Christmas. Hang in there!
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(And ugh, the "use it or lose it" for various accounts is such an aggravation.)