and do you really need all those umlauts?

Dear German language,

Why is your possessive pronouns for "hers" the same word as your ordinary pronoun for the plural "you"? Do you really believe that's a good idea?

And don't you think you're just a little overcomplicated? Three noun genders? Four declensions? Other languages get by perfectly well without all that. I mean, look at your cousin, English. It doesn't have any declensions. It doesn't even have grammatical gender! But look how successful it is.

Look at your life, Deutsch. Look at your choices.