kindkit: Eleventh Doctor looking through magnifying glass, text: "curioser and curioser." (Doctor Who: curioser)
When I checked my Facebook this afternoon I was hoping for supportive reactions to having come out as trans, and braced for really ugly ones. The one possibility I hadn't prepared for was . . . no reaction whatsoever. Apart from one person yesterday, no one has commented or reacted to my post at all.

I spent some time puzzling this through. Is being trans so unremarkable now? (Almost certainly not.) Do all my Facebook friends actually have me blocked? (Also seems unlikely.)

The most likely explanation, I have decided, is the really fucking annoying way Facebook arranges the posts on a person's feed--not chronologically, unless you specifically request it (and then it only lasts for one session), but by "most important" i.e. most liked/commented on. This is why there's always plenty of clickbaity crap at the top of one's feed. And it means that people with long Facebook friends lists can easily miss a little post like mine. #facebookishorrible #doesthismeanihavetocomeoutagain?


Speaking of annoying social media, I've started using Tumblr and Twitter again. They're less annoying on a phone, somehow. So if you have a Tumblr or Twitter, feel free to drop me a comment here with your user name on that platform.

I'm gavestonsfrolic on Tumblr and t0bacc04ndb0ys on Twitter, where so far I have never actually tweeted, just followed people. (Paul McDermott has a Twitter! I was extremely surprised.)

eep

Oct. 11th, 2017 05:16 pm
kindkit: Images of Mycroft's tie, eyes, and cane. (Sherlock: Mycroft is proper)
Some years ago, on another National Coming Out Day, I came out as trans to all my online friends. Today I just came out to everyone I know on Facebook, including some members of my family. (I don't really have any close family left--nobody I felt I needed to tell in person.)

It was time, but I am really nervous. I have almost no experience of coming out to people who know me in person, plus I have a friend who's said TERF-y things and I have no idea how my extended family are going to react.

Well, anyway, it's done now. I may never dare to look at my Facebook page again.
kindkit: A late-Victorian futuristic zeppelin. (Default)
Does anyone know of a cover version of The Who's I'm a Boy by either a woman singer or a trans* man singer whose vocal range still sounds "female"? YouTube has been no help.
kindkit: Second Doctor looking throughtful. (Doctor Who: Second Doctor thoughtful)
The announcement of the Twelfth Doctor's casting has again led to dismay for people who would like the next Doctor to be a woman.

I have to confess that I've always been a little uncomfortable with the assertion that if the Doctor regenerated as female it would be no big deal to the Doctor. On a Watsonian and also a personal level, I have doubts. These doubts have nothing to do with the solid Doyleist real-world reasons (feminism, basically) why a female Doctor would be a good thing. I acknowledge and agree with those reasons.

My qualms, as I said, are Watsonian and personal. They're to do with the Doctor as a character, which is to say as a fictional person for whom we assume a fictional subjectivity, and with my own experience of gender.

Click here to read more. )
kindkit: Erik Lehnsherr wearing an awesome suit and hat (XMFC: Erik has an awesome hat)
I'd better preface this by saying that I love the deleted XMFC scene where Charles shows Angel an image of Erik in a dress. I especially love "you've never looked more beautiful, darling."

However. Even though Fassbender said it first, using names like "Traneto" or "Transneto" or any other variation thereof is not okay. Fassbender is a delightful and extraordinarily handsome man, but apparently he's not knowledgeable about trans* issues. Wearing drag != being trans. Being shown as wearing drag by your telepathic boyfriend best pal, against your knowledge and will? Also != being trans. [NOTE: Please see my ETA for more about the context of Fassbender's remark.]

Trans* people are real. So are people who enjoy wearing drag. The conflation of drag and trans*-ness hurts people in both categories by erasing their identities.

So, could we all use the right names? Even when we're being silly and squeeing and having fun? That way no one gets hurt and everyone gets to have fun.

Including trans* people like me.


ETA: Fassbender's comment, if I'm remembering correctly now, was made in the context of talking about the superpower to change one's sex at will. It wasn't made in relation to the Erik-in-a-dress scene. While I think the term "Traneto" is still faily and offensive (it's waaaaaaay to close to "tranny" for comfort), at least when Fassbender used it, it was in a context of sex/gender identity and not just crossdressing.

ETA2: A couple of folks have brought up the possibility that those fandom people using the words Traneto/Transneto are actually referring to "transvestite" rather than "transgendered" or "transsexual." It's certainly possible, but (a) it's still a conflation of identities (doing drag != being a transvestite != being transgendered/transsexual), and (b) is "transvestite" all that common of a term anymore? It's not one I hear often unless I'm watching Eddie Izzard, and it's definitely not the interpretation that came into my mind on hearing Traneto/Transneto.
kindkit: The Second Doctor and Jamie clutch each other in panic; captioned "oh noes" (Doctor Who: Two/Jamie oh noes)
Well, today for the first time I had a transphobic (or at least gender-policing) insult directed at me.

I should preface this by saying that although I'm not out at work, I'm not exactly not out either. I wear men's clothes and my short hair is styled in a male way.

So. Customer rather imperiously beckons me from about thirty feet away. (Seriously, she made a little "come here" gesture.) "Ma'am," she calls out. I start heading over to her, then she says, "Sir. Whatever you are." The last sentence was in a slightly less carrying voice, but I think it was a deliberate stage-whisper effect, as I heard her very clearly from a good twenty feet away. And her tone was definitely hostile.

*sigh* Now, I get double-takes all the time, or people correcting themselves from "sir," to "ma'am." It's understandable and I'm used to it; those folks don't mean any harm. This is the first time I've experienced hostility.

I'm perfectly all right, just dismayed and, frankly, kind of amazed at how little gender-nonconformity it takes to piss some folks off. (Although I may be underestimating my own gender-nonconformity. For some years I haven't been performing femininity--wearing makeup, skirts, feminine shoes--but it's only in the last year and a half that I've started performing masculinity instead. As I've come to be unselfconscious about it, perhaps I've lost sight of how much others are conscious of it.)

Do any of you other trans*, genderqueer, or gender-nonconforming folks have advice about how to deal with this kind of thing? Unfortunately, "fuck off, you bigot" isn't an option at work. And since I'm not out at work, maybe there's nothing I can actually do right now, but coping advice would be useful.
kindkit: Paul McDermott and Tim Ferguson almost kissing (DAAS: Kiss me you fool)
1) It was National Coming Out Day today (technically yesterday now), which means it's the one year anniversary of my coming out as a trans man. And hey, one year later, I'm still trans! Hooray! (One of my issues has been the fear that I was somehow deceiving myself and would change my mind. I haven't, and I feel a lot more certain and comfortable in my identity than I did a year ago.)

2) I'm taking the GRE tomorrow (er, today, actually, starting in about 10 hours). Wish me luck. I'm less nervous than I was a couple of days ago, because in the meantime I've done respectably enough on the math section of a practice test. Looking forward to getting the damn thing over with and forgetting the Pythagorean Theorem all over again.

3) As the new television seasons begin in the US and the UK, I'm watching . . . old Australian comedy. The Doug Anthony All Stars, of course (here they are in The Big Gig [start at the top of the playlist on the right and scroll down], and here's a fantastic live performance [use the playlist again, but start with part 2, as Flacco is an acquired taste], and here are links to their surreal and amazing comedy/science fiction/fantasy show DAAS Kapital), and DAAS-related stuff like Good News Week (which is all over YouTube) and The Sideshow (ditto). Even the beautiful Tim Ferguson may not be enough to make me watch more than one episode of Funky Squad, alas, but I was oddly charmed by the episode of Don't Forget Your Toothbrush that I watched on YouTube. Tim in a pink suit thwacking cakes with a golf club and spraying the audience with the bits, what's not to love?

I've also been branching out beyond DAAS, mostly based on which Good News Week guests I like most (in no particular order: Fiona O'Loughlin, Josh Thomas, Jimeoin, Frank Woodley, Stephen K. Amos, Julia Morris). I started watching The Adventures of Lano and Woodley because I saw Colin Lane talking about his split from comedy partner Frank Woodley after 20 years of working together as though he'd just gone through a heartwrenching divorce; yes, I do pick shows based on the likely level of male/male homoeroticism, and yes, Lano and Woodley has so far quite fulfillled my expectations. It's not my usual style of comedy--I like verbal humor best--but the guys' love/hate/tolerance is adorable, and Frank Woodley in particular does physical comedy so well that I can see the art in it.

Oh, how I hope one or two of you lot will start watching this stuff too, so that we can talk about it! And also so that there can be DAAS fanfic for Yuletide! *makes puppy eyes*
kindkit: John Constantine dreaming of the end of the world (Hellblazer: Constantine dreams the apoca)
Finished the book (John Le Carré's Absolute Friends, which is the bleakest thing I have read in a long time).

I wanted to say thanks for your comments, which I'll answer tomorrow. And I hope my previous post didn't come off as "I don't trust any of you bastards, so prove that you respect me or else!" There are many of you that I've known for a long time, and who've been true supportive friends to me in all kinds of circumstances. *hugs you tight*

But the fact that the OP mentioned having people on their flist who were trans* did spook me. The idea that someone might be superficially friendly towards me, or even just hang around reading my fic while secretly having contempt for me and other trans* people was, and is, upsetting.

It's making me think hard about something I've never really had to consider before now, but that I suppose is a part of everyday life for out queer people--the possibility that someone you know and like (or at least have nothing against) may turn out to despise you because of who you are. And maybe they hide it under a cloak of good manners, but it's there.

I've cared about LGBT rights since I was a kid, but I see now that it was always in a slightly abstract way. No one knew about my gender identity issues, no one knew about my very strong, but very secret, identification with gay men, so I didn't have to worry that homophobes and transphobes might turn their hatred on me personally.

Coming out means not having that protection anymore. Because I'm not yet out in meatspace, my physical safety isn't yet at risk, but it still hurts to read someone's expression of contempt and identity-denial and know that even if they don't mean me personally, they mean people like me. (And here I keep typing and deleting long explanations about my plans as regards transitioning. Why should I post such a thing? Why should I reinforce the idea that trans* identity isn't real unless it's medicalized?)

This is all very Coming Out 101, I'm sure. But the experience of it is new to me, and it's making me admire even more the courage of LGBT people who came out when it was much, much harder than it is now. And paved the way for people like me.

rage

Jul. 4th, 2010 07:55 pm
kindkit: A late-Victorian futuristic zeppelin. (Withnail: must have some booze)
If any of you who have me friended agree with this secret from today's [livejournal.com profile] fandomsecrets, would you please defriend/unsubscribe me now?

Especially if I have you friended/subscribed/granted access back.

I don't want to associate with people who think I'm a liar who's just pretending to be trans in order to get male privilege.



(No, I haven't resumed reading fandomsecrets. But I saw this linked to, and foolishly followed the link, and now I am simultaneously enraged and horrified at the possibility that the OP, or one of the agreeing commenters, could be someone I know.)


ETA: My head aches and I'm tired, so I'm going to crawl into bed with a book. I mention this so you know why I won't be answering comments for the next 12 hours--it's not that I don't appreciate your support and general coolness.
kindkit: Text: im in ur history emphasizin ur queerz (Fandomless: Queer history)
I'm going to be creating a filter for my (very intermittent) personal posts about my identity as a trans man, the process of self-acceptance, deciding whether/how to transition, etc. If I've granted you locked-post access and you'd like to be on the filter, drop me a comment and I'll add you.

If you don't have locked-post access yet but would like to be on the filter anyway, comment and I will probably add you. I haven't been making personal posts on DW, so there are a lot of people I haven't given access to, but now I do plan on making personal posts here. At this point, my policy will be to grant access (in general and to the trans filter if desired) to anyone who wants it [ETA: so long as I've interacted with you a little, even just exchange comments about fandom or something; OR, if we haven't interacted, you're trans* or genderqueer yourself or close to someone who is] unless I have some reason to think they'll behave badly. That doesn't apply to anyone on DW I can think of.

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