RIP

[kindkit]

I am deeply sad to learn that the Rev. David Coles died a few days ago. He was the husband of the Rev. Richard Coles, formerly of the bands Bronski Beat and the Communards and currently (in one of those life developments that no one would ever find plausible in a novel) vicar of Finedon.

I follow both of them on Twitter, and they seemed immensely happy together despite the Church of England's cruel prohibition on partnered gay and lesbian clergy having sex.* Their tweets about their home, their dogs, cooking and baking, etc. always gave me a pleasure not untinged with envy.

Richard has tweeted a few times since David's death, and is clearly shattered. One of the stories that's come up in a lot of articles is David, in an interview, talking about how he pictured the two of them retiring to the seaside together one day. That, and the thought of all those lost years (David was only 42 or 43) hurts my heart.

I've been thinking about them all day. It connects with lots of personal stuff for me--what I would wish for in a partnership if I ever find one, and my mother and how unutterably broken she was after my stepfather's death, and her own death, much too young.

At times like this I wish I did have religious faith (I've tried and failed more than once), because there would be something I could do. I don't know them personally, so I can't make a casserole or take their dogs for a walk. But if I were a believer, I could say a prayer, light a candle, and hope it did some good. I may light a candle anyway, because damn the darkness.


*I've always hoped, and even more so now, that they decided it was okay to lie about complying with an unjust rule, and had a happy sex life. I hope they didn't spend what turned out to be all their time together obediently waiting for the church to change its mind. I say again: damn the darkness.

ETA: Apparently Richard has been receiving some homophobic hate mail and online harassment since David's death. So one more time: damn the darkness.

Comments

[lilacsigil]

Oh no! I knew about his marriage to Richard Coles but I hadn't heard he'd passed away. How very sad.

If it's any comfort, I was raised CofE and went to a CofE school, and the clergy were always pushing boundaries and arguing against unfair rules - our chaplain was later the first ordained woman priest in the state, and she was open about living with her (male) partner without getting married, right back in the 80s. They never did marry, and she was a priest in the UK later. There are a few very conservative dioceses but they're a loud minority, so it would be surprising to me if they didn't privately break that rule.

[sovay]

I am deeply sad to learn that the Rev. David Coles died a few days ago.

His memory for a blessing.

[el_staplador]

I was at one of the publicity events for Richard Coles' autobiography a few years ago and somebody asked about that. ('I read that you and your partner don't have sex...') The impression that I got from the reply was that they didn't, but that the celibacy requirement was only a part of that ('as one gets older...') and that it was a decision that they were at peace with. Of course that was a reply to quite an intrusive question at a public event, so...

(I asked, a bit later in the evening, if he thought things would ever get better, mentioning my specific context as a queer woman in a different-sex relationship who had once experienced a call to ordained ministry and who had a real sense of having dodging a bullet when it seemed to go away again. And his answer to that was lovely: "All I can say is, it will be all right in the end." I wouldn't mind having him as my vicar.)

[paulamcg]

I'm lighting a candle.

[halotolerant]

*hugs*
Damn the darkness

[vilakins]

So sad, all that future gone. FWIW I know gay Christians who are accepted in their churches, but unable to be married there because of the restrictions placed by the UK church. At least they can be married outside the church, but yes, it must really hurt if it matters so much that it's done within their faith.

A neighbour died suddenly in his sleep this month, found by his partner Tom; particularly shocking because Chris seemed so very healthy. His funeral, huge as he was well known in town, was taken by one of another couple who moved here a month ago because they were friends with Chris (and because this town is more welcoming of differences of all sorts than most).

Weirdly my best friend Chris died the same way the night before my 21st birthday, and my brother Chris died suddenly a couple of years ago. I suppose this is bringing it back because it's all thrown me and I feel insecure in my grasp on life.