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kindkitToday I've been alternating little bits of cleaning with revisions on my Izzy fic. This works out well, because after being in Izzy's POV for a while I feel the need to wash something.
I disagree with a lot of the fandom, probably, in that I don't think Izzy has a daddy kink, or a D/s kink, or any kind of kink. If it were a kink, it could be satisfied with fantasy and nice consensual play where everybody has a good time and no one gets seriously hurt. But I don't think that's what Izzy wants at all.
Those kinks are analogous enough to what Izzy wants that he can recognize himself in them, hence his accidental self-revelation in the "ooh, daddy" scene. But Izzy wants domination and pain for real. He is genuinely happy after Blackbeard cuts off his toe. He's been pushing and pushing at Blackbeard (we see it before Stede is anything more to Blackbeard than a name), and Blackbeard has tolerated it apart from the occasional bout of "shove Izzy up against the wall with a hand on his throat and threaten him." Which is a pretty nice reaction from Izzy's point of view, but not enough. I think he's happy after the toe incident because he finally, after years of trying, feels that Blackbeard might actually kill him.
Izzy has a death wish. With, like, a pain wish first. It's all tangled with (and possibly derives from; I haven't decided) queer self-loathing and incredibly toxic masculinity. Some men have the narcissistic version of toxic masculinity: they think of themselves as alphas, as True Men, and everyone else as their inferiors/servants. Izzy has something like the paranoid version. He hates himself (for desiring men) too much to think he's an alpha, so he wants to serve the truest True Man he knows. More than that, he wants to dissolve himself in him. He wants to die beside him/for him/at his hand. And in the meantime he's going to police everyone else's masculinity.
The other half of the problem is that while Blackbeard, to Izzy, is the True Man, Blackbeard is actually Ed and he's not like that at all. He has the capacity to be somewhat like that, which is what Izzy loves in him. But it's not nearly the whole of him, and unlike Izzy, Ed is self-aware enough to understand how much gets suppressed when he tries to be Blackbeard. Izzy pushes Ed to be Blackbeard, and hates him for failing (like he hates himself for failing, for having--forgive me--always already failed).
Izzy wants a god-king who will use him ruthlessly and kill him without mercy, but who will also somehow love him. Love him for being a reflection, however pale, of the god-king's own perfection.
If he'd been born a couple of centuries later, Izzy would have made a very good fascist.
ETA: Also he is tragic and occasionally hilarious (usually against his will) and I love him despite everything. One moment of Peak Heartbreak for me is when he says (of Ed's not going forward with the plan to kill Stede), "He promised me."
I disagree with a lot of the fandom, probably, in that I don't think Izzy has a daddy kink, or a D/s kink, or any kind of kink. If it were a kink, it could be satisfied with fantasy and nice consensual play where everybody has a good time and no one gets seriously hurt. But I don't think that's what Izzy wants at all.
Those kinks are analogous enough to what Izzy wants that he can recognize himself in them, hence his accidental self-revelation in the "ooh, daddy" scene. But Izzy wants domination and pain for real. He is genuinely happy after Blackbeard cuts off his toe. He's been pushing and pushing at Blackbeard (we see it before Stede is anything more to Blackbeard than a name), and Blackbeard has tolerated it apart from the occasional bout of "shove Izzy up against the wall with a hand on his throat and threaten him." Which is a pretty nice reaction from Izzy's point of view, but not enough. I think he's happy after the toe incident because he finally, after years of trying, feels that Blackbeard might actually kill him.
Izzy has a death wish. With, like, a pain wish first. It's all tangled with (and possibly derives from; I haven't decided) queer self-loathing and incredibly toxic masculinity. Some men have the narcissistic version of toxic masculinity: they think of themselves as alphas, as True Men, and everyone else as their inferiors/servants. Izzy has something like the paranoid version. He hates himself (for desiring men) too much to think he's an alpha, so he wants to serve the truest True Man he knows. More than that, he wants to dissolve himself in him. He wants to die beside him/for him/at his hand. And in the meantime he's going to police everyone else's masculinity.
The other half of the problem is that while Blackbeard, to Izzy, is the True Man, Blackbeard is actually Ed and he's not like that at all. He has the capacity to be somewhat like that, which is what Izzy loves in him. But it's not nearly the whole of him, and unlike Izzy, Ed is self-aware enough to understand how much gets suppressed when he tries to be Blackbeard. Izzy pushes Ed to be Blackbeard, and hates him for failing (like he hates himself for failing, for having--forgive me--always already failed).
Izzy wants a god-king who will use him ruthlessly and kill him without mercy, but who will also somehow love him. Love him for being a reflection, however pale, of the god-king's own perfection.
If he'd been born a couple of centuries later, Izzy would have made a very good fascist.
ETA: Also he is tragic and occasionally hilarious (usually against his will) and I love him despite everything. One moment of Peak Heartbreak for me is when he says (of Ed's not going forward with the plan to kill Stede), "He promised me."
