quality entertainment
Nov. 1st, 2012 10:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kindkitDid I really just watch an hour and a half of Dalton-era James Bond in order to see one minute of Christopher Neame?
(The answer, sadly, is yes. I somehow thought he had a more significant role in the film than being Agent 00Redshirt.)
And yet Licence to Kill is not actually the worst thing I've watched in the past two days due to myobsessive true and stalkery profound devotion to Mr. Neame. No, that would be Lust for a Vampire, his first film role, from 1970. Lust for a Vampire is a Hammer film that purports to be a horror story, but mostly is about T&A and extremely soft-core porn, with a little female bisexuality, of the "titillate the men" school of Film Lesbianism, thrown in for good measure. Neame is in it for, oh, a good six minutes. (And the filmmakers' tragic inability to move beyond the [heterosexual] male gaze means that he is not at any point in any way naked. *sigh* It is very wrong of exploitation cinema not to exploit pretty boys equally, damn it!)
Because I am me, I made screencaps.
This is Hans. He is supposed to be an Austrian peasant in 1830. How he comes out looking so much like a gay pop singer in 1970 is thanks to the magic of filmmaking.
The woman Hans flirts with in the opening scene gets abducted and killed a few minutes later. This never seems to bother him, perhaps because he's too busy hanging out in the bar with his male friends.
(Don't they look like the world's least successful boyband?)
Hans does briefly get to wear a hat:
And carry a torch, in the very literal sense:
But then his six minutes are up. Poor Christopher Neame, acting his little heart out and that's all he gets. He must have impressed someone, though, because two years later he got to be Johnny Alucard in the vastly better (and I say that in all seriousness) Dracula AD 1972.
And then came Colditz and Secret Army, and several long and peculiar workless gaps interspersed with guest spots on Blake's 7 and Doctor Who, and then going to America for a career of playing redshirts and Evil Foreigners. I mourn for the numerous fine British TV series he never made, I really do.
(The answer, sadly, is yes. I somehow thought he had a more significant role in the film than being Agent 00Redshirt.)
And yet Licence to Kill is not actually the worst thing I've watched in the past two days due to my
Because I am me, I made screencaps.
This is Hans. He is supposed to be an Austrian peasant in 1830. How he comes out looking so much like a gay pop singer in 1970 is thanks to the magic of filmmaking.
The woman Hans flirts with in the opening scene gets abducted and killed a few minutes later. This never seems to bother him, perhaps because he's too busy hanging out in the bar with his male friends.
(Don't they look like the world's least successful boyband?)
Hans does briefly get to wear a hat:
And carry a torch, in the very literal sense:
But then his six minutes are up. Poor Christopher Neame, acting his little heart out and that's all he gets. He must have impressed someone, though, because two years later he got to be Johnny Alucard in the vastly better (and I say that in all seriousness) Dracula AD 1972.
And then came Colditz and Secret Army, and several long and peculiar workless gaps interspersed with guest spots on Blake's 7 and Doctor Who, and then going to America for a career of playing redshirts and Evil Foreigners. I mourn for the numerous fine British TV series he never made, I really do.
