I aten't asleep
Jul. 5th, 2010 12:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kindkitFinished the book (John Le Carré's Absolute Friends, which is the bleakest thing I have read in a long time).
I wanted to say thanks for your comments, which I'll answer tomorrow. And I hope my previous post didn't come off as "I don't trust any of you bastards, so prove that you respect me or else!" There are many of you that I've known for a long time, and who've been true supportive friends to me in all kinds of circumstances. *hugs you tight*
But the fact that the OP mentioned having people on their flist who were trans* did spook me. The idea that someone might be superficially friendly towards me, or even just hang around reading my fic while secretly having contempt for me and other trans* people was, and is, upsetting.
It's making me think hard about something I've never really had to consider before now, but that I suppose is a part of everyday life for out queer people--the possibility that someone you know and like (or at least have nothing against) may turn out to despise you because of who you are. And maybe they hide it under a cloak of good manners, but it's there.
I've cared about LGBT rights since I was a kid, but I see now that it was always in a slightly abstract way. No one knew about my gender identity issues, no one knew about my very strong, but very secret, identification with gay men, so I didn't have to worry that homophobes and transphobes might turn their hatred on me personally.
Coming out means not having that protection anymore. Because I'm not yet out in meatspace, my physical safety isn't yet at risk, but it still hurts to read someone's expression of contempt and identity-denial and know that even if they don't mean me personally, they mean people like me. (And here I keep typing and deleting long explanations about my plans as regards transitioning. Why should I post such a thing? Why should I reinforce the idea that trans* identity isn't real unless it's medicalized?)
This is all very Coming Out 101, I'm sure. But the experience of it is new to me, and it's making me admire even more the courage of LGBT people who came out when it was much, much harder than it is now. And paved the way for people like me.
I wanted to say thanks for your comments, which I'll answer tomorrow. And I hope my previous post didn't come off as "I don't trust any of you bastards, so prove that you respect me or else!" There are many of you that I've known for a long time, and who've been true supportive friends to me in all kinds of circumstances. *hugs you tight*
But the fact that the OP mentioned having people on their flist who were trans* did spook me. The idea that someone might be superficially friendly towards me, or even just hang around reading my fic while secretly having contempt for me and other trans* people was, and is, upsetting.
It's making me think hard about something I've never really had to consider before now, but that I suppose is a part of everyday life for out queer people--the possibility that someone you know and like (or at least have nothing against) may turn out to despise you because of who you are. And maybe they hide it under a cloak of good manners, but it's there.
I've cared about LGBT rights since I was a kid, but I see now that it was always in a slightly abstract way. No one knew about my gender identity issues, no one knew about my very strong, but very secret, identification with gay men, so I didn't have to worry that homophobes and transphobes might turn their hatred on me personally.
Coming out means not having that protection anymore. Because I'm not yet out in meatspace, my physical safety isn't yet at risk, but it still hurts to read someone's expression of contempt and identity-denial and know that even if they don't mean me personally, they mean people like me. (And here I keep typing and deleting long explanations about my plans as regards transitioning. Why should I post such a thing? Why should I reinforce the idea that trans* identity isn't real unless it's medicalized?)
This is all very Coming Out 101, I'm sure. But the experience of it is new to me, and it's making me admire even more the courage of LGBT people who came out when it was much, much harder than it is now. And paved the way for people like me.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-05 08:59 am (UTC)And yeah, being out is dangerous, but also important to all those other people in the same situation of not knowing quite who they are. I didn't really know that lesbians existed until I was 18 - I knew no-one who was out.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-05 06:04 pm (UTC)Either way, it's pretty disgusting.
being out is dangerous, but also important to all those other people in the same situation of not knowing quite who they are
Meeting trans* people online has made a huge difference for me. For one thing, I didn't know it was possible to be gay/lesbian and trans (and I was well over eighteen at the time!).