various missives

[kindkit]

1) Health.

My back continues to be more of an issue than I'd like. My healing seems to have plateaued; I'm seldom in a lot of pain, and I can function, but I'm seldom completely pain-free either. Plus I get fun little incidents like the other night, when I felt pretty okay when I went to bed, but woke up at 2 in the morning in more pain than I've had in a while. (Yes, my bed is probably a factor. But I really don't want to spend a couple of thousand dollars on a new one.)

Another delightful plot twist follows,

under the cut because potentially TMI

.

Around the beginning of this month I started having UTI symptoms. Very mild at first, and I thought it might resolve on its own. It did not. This left me trying to get medical care during Labor Day weekend (a big holiday in the US). I went to urgent care on Sunday Sept. 3, after work, but the clinic I went to was too busy and I couldn't get in. (I didn't want to try another clinic because this is the urgent care I usually go to, and I didn't have the energy to try a totally unknown one.) On Monday (Labor Day), I thought about going back, but a bit of googling showed that most of my local pharmacies were closed anyway or on such reduced hours that by the time I finished work and went to the clinic it would be too late to get my prescriptions that day.

This whole process confirmed the wisdom of my pill-hoarding tendencies. I had some phenazopyridine left from my last UTI. It doesn't treat the infection, but it reduces the symptoms while you wait to get antibiotics/wait for them to kick in. It was all that made things tolerable.

Anyway, I finally got to the clinic on Tuesday Sept. 5 and got a 10-day megacourse of antibiotics which I'm still taking through tomorrow. And--this is how it's relevant to my back--the nurse agreed that the prednisone I had to take for my back probably contributed to the UTI: prednisone is an anti-inflammatory because it's an immune suppressant.

And here's a fun fact: after googling, I discovered that in people with a vulva, having low estrogen levels (if, say, you're post-menopausal, or a trans masculine person taking testosterone) makes UTIs vastly more likely. Did anyone ever explain this to me? Fuck no.

Another thing I only learned from google: don't buy lube made with glycerin. It's sugar-like enough to feed bad bacteria a lovely meal.

*sigh* I don't like bringing up genital/sexual stuff with medical people. It's uncomfortable, especially now that I'm out as trans. I wish they would bring it up and give me useful health information--in a nice, matter-of-fact professional way, not in the way like my previous pcp who was a little too curious about my sexuality. My current provider is pretty good, but a bit silent on the subject; I wonder if it's too personal for her because her son is a trans man (she mentioned this to me, with his permission).

Anyway, enough of this. Here's hoping I don't get a third UTI this year; that's the point where it's officially considered chronic.

2. After temporarily losing interest in it, I've been watching a lot more Taskmaster. In fact the word "bingeing" might be appropriate. I'm most of the way through S07 now, and feeling twinges of obsession. I blame, at least in part, Greg Davies' decision in the hiatus before S06 to get glasses and grow a beard, and therefore become hot to me as he has never been before. Alex has always been hot to me; skinnyish, socially awkward, clever boys push my buttons, as does the whole stage-gay "Alex is slavishly, erotically devoted to Greg" thing. And beards.

I'm again noticing how much of the show's general enjoyability depends on the vibe of the contestants. The S06 people were mostly uninteresting, except for Liza who was both competent and likeable, and Tim Vine, whose every moment on camera was like fingernails on a chalkboard. Then S07 brought in absolute loons like Rhod Gilert and James Acaster, and varied interpersonal dynamics played up to the hilt by the whole batch of drama queens, and it's much more fun to watch. (Apart from having to look away to spare my eyes from Phil Wang's skin-tight yellow bodysuit.)

Mostly the show does not ping my embarrassment squick, thank heavens. (Mostly. I could live without any more impromptu songs, though I would hate to have missed the sheer delight of that moment in S06 when Nish Kumar and Mark Watson's song was actually really good.) I do have to remind myself often that Alex Horne created the show and writes at least some of it, so nothing is happening to him that he hasn't okayed. He consented to sit bare-bottomed on that cake/be cuddled by every contestant/have Rhod Gilbert turn him into a water feature.

And then there's the Greg/Alex stuff.

Under a cut, for sort-of spoilers I guess, as well as being long and containing musing on stage gay, power differentials, etc.

I didn't expect them to actually kiss. Even about a second before they did, I thought it would be a fake-out and Greg would pull away or something. But no, they kissed rather sweetly, to the loud approval of the audience and most of the contestants. (I wish the camera would quit cutting away from the most highly charged Greg/Alex moments to show dubious reactions from the cishet male contestants, though.) The explicit eroticism has mostly been toned down since the kiss, which I guess makes sense since there's not much further they can go with that unless the boys are going to make out on stage, which presumably is further than they and the bloke-centric Dave network want to take it. Though in S07 Alex did make that rather startling reference to Greg's "special spot" and the letter G, fuelling all kinds of potential speculation.

. . . I just really enjoy stage gay. Especially when it's played, er, straight, from the whole chest. (For a while I thought Greg was gay, based on a couple of things he said on the show. But Wikipedia tells me he had a long-term relationship with a woman. So I've decided he's bi until proven otherwise. Alex is married to a woman and has kids. I've decided he's bi too.) To repeat, I know it's stage gay, but I enjoy the game/performance of queer desire (when it's an acknowledged game and not e.g. queerbaiting in fictional media) without the disavowing wink and nod. I like that both Greg and Alex just go with it--the erotic implications are played for comedy, but the joke is not "OMG that's gay!" Usually it's more like "OMG that's fucked up, Greg, stop that and be nice to Alex." I enjoy the very rare moments when Greg genuinely is nice--the bits of background business when the focus is on the contestants and Greg and Alex start holding hands.

And of course I enjoy the whole glorious spectrum of ways Greg finds to bully Alex. It's sometimes a bit of a fine line for me, because humiliation is deeply not my kink, but it's so clearly stage-Alex's that I can enjoy his delighted misery. No usual form of BDSM is really my kink, but I love a power differential and I love devotion. So the idea of Alex worshipping Greg Davies--moderately successful comedian and host of a light entertainment show--like a god on earth, making his bed and sleeping at his feet and surrendering to his every sexual demand, unfazed by any amount of ingratitude, exploitation, and downright cruelty from Greg, kind of does it for me. But I must admit that, as usual with me and power differentials, what I would want from a fic is to see the relationship become more equal. (The big exception to this trend for me is Izzy Hands from Our Flag Means Death; Izzy is such a shithead and a fuckup that to the extent I can imagine a happy ending for him, it looks more like a pornographic fever dream version of Greg/Alex than like Ed/Stede. Izzy should never be allowed to make meaningful decisions about his own life or anyone else's, ever again. Alex, by contrast, should be cherished.)

Once I'm caught up--because I'm so thoroughly spoiler-averse that I don't want to know whether they kiss onstage again, or even whether X contestant does a great/hilarious thing in S11--I intend to read all the fanfic. And probably be disappointed by it. Recs are welcome if you have any; just please let me know where they fall season-wise so I can wait if necessary to avoid spoilers.

3. Yuletide

I think I'm going to participate this year, for the first time since about 2013. I've done two fic exchanges this year, so I feel reasonably confident in my ability to write something and not default.

Our Flag Means Death is of course ineligible. But Taskmater is eligible and I can think of stories I might request. For other fandom requests, I'm thinking about Ursula LeGuin's The Left Hand of Darkness (most of the existing fic is Estraven/Genly Ai, for obvious reasons, but the world itself is fascinating and Le Guin leaves a lot of omissions to explore. (E.g. same-sex sex during kemmer, or some people having a preference for whether they go through kemmer as male or female--are there Gethenians with a stealth gender identity?, or for that matter whether Gethenian societies can possibly be as devoid of popular culture as Le Guin makes them out to be. It can't all be work and sex and religion and politics--I want to know what Gethenians do for fun.) Maybe Moby Dick too. And I'm considering some five-minutes fandoms to fill in the gaps. There are a zillion Mountain Goats songs that could make great fic.

Comments

[sovay]

I want to know what Gethenians do for fun.

While not actually participating in Yuletide in any way beyond reading, I deeply support this idea. "Coming of Age" in Karhide touches on same-sex sex during kemmer, but not the concept of preference that I can remember, except for the one character's envy of the narrator for kemmering first time as a woman. But even just the pop culture would be neat to explore.

I think I am faintly surprised that Moby-Dick doesn't exceed the upper limits of fandom for Yuletide.

*hugs* for all the health stuff, including the TMI. I never heard the low estrogen thing, which you'd think would be widely relevant.

[kindkit]

"Coming of Age" in Karhide touches on same-sex sex during kemmer, but not the concept of preference that I can remember

There's a line in the novel to the effect that it's not uncommon, in urban areas, for people to use drugs (presumably hormones) at the start of kemmer to establish a preferred sex. Nothing more is said about it, but it seems like it could have a wide range of meanings. For some, it might be nothing more than a sexual preference, no more meaningful than liking certain acts or positions a lot. For others, it might have deep, intimate, complicated meanings.

Relatedly, I wonder about the consequences of long-term cultural exchange between Gethenians and other humans who are (roughly) male and female. Certainly there would be "normal" humans who would want to embrace the Gethenian unisex model; would there be Gethenians who would like to have a fixed biological sex and/or the gender accoutrements typically linked to it?

In re: pop culture, I like Le Guin but I think she tends towards the solemn and serious. Her societies tend to have a lot of traditional culture, and some high culture, but very little in the way of popular entertainment ever gets mentioned. I want to know about Gethenian audio dramas and comics and those dirty plays that are performed in the kemmerhouses.

[sovay]

"Coming of Age" in Karhide

Apologies, pedantically, that should have been "Coming of Age in Karhide."

I like the way you are thinking about both cultural exchange and indigenous/individual variance. If you don't write this story for Yuletide, you should probably just write it. A vote for kemmerhouse theater, too, in the meantime.

[lilacsigil]

I haven't had to take prednisolone for my sciatica issue for a year now, which is great because every time I did, I got an infection of some kind. Though it didn't help that one of the times my cat bit me. There are a ton of not particularly strenuous or difficult exercises you can do for sciatica prevention, some of which I've found useful, and also amitriptyline at night long term to reduce the nerve pain. My physio said that changing your bed is not usually helpful because staying in one position for a long period of time (such as, you know, sleeping) is the cause.

I hope the UTIs abate!

[kindkit]

The annoying thing is that I'm not sure the prednisone even did me much good this time.

Though it didn't help that one of the times my cat bit me.

Oh dear. Cat bite + immune suppression doesn't sound good. Hopefully you'll continue not to need prednisolone, especially with viral nasties like COVID continuing to hang around.

I've got gabapentin for nerve pain, which works pretty well although I don't love the side effects (shakiness, occasional lightheadedness). But I suppose there's no medical free lunch.

changing your bed is not usually helpful because staying in one position for a long period of time (such as, you know, sleeping) is the cause

Ah, that's really good to know, thanks!

[rydra_wong]

Deepest sympathies on the UTIs -- my interstitial cystitis means I get all the fun of those symptoms without the infection, so yeah, I know how much it sucks.

And here's a fun fact: after googling, I discovered that in people with a vulva, having low estrogen levels (if, say, you're post-menopausal, or a trans masculine person taking testosterone) makes UTIs vastly more likely. Did anyone ever explain this to me? Fuck no.

Yeah, it's a whole thing (also called "genitourinary syndrome of menopause" if that's why you're getting it). I have a strong suspicion that perimenopause is why my previously-stable-and-manageable IC decided to flare up to hellish levels at the start of this year, so have been up to my eyeballs in the reading.

There are various vaginal and vulvar moisturizers available which can help.

And if that doesn't work and the UTIs become a persistent/chronic problem, topical estrogen is apparently super-effective, and because it's a low dose and stays local, it will not affect blood levels of estrogen or interfere with what the testosterone's doing for you systemically:

https://www.sfaf.org/collections/beta/qa-gynecologic-and-vaginal-care-for-trans-men/

Another thing I only learned from google: don't buy lube made with glycerin. It's sugar-like enough to feed bad bacteria a lovely meal.

Can highly rec Sliquid Organics Natural Gel as a glycerin-free option which does not cause urinary tract annoyances for me (obviously I'm dealing with specific issues which may not be the same as yours, but every-fucking-thing causes flare-ups for me right now, so something which doesn't is probably going to be pretty non-irritating for others).

[rydra_wong]

And if that doesn't work and the UTIs become a persistent/chronic problem, topical estrogen is apparently super-effective, and because it's a low dose and stays local, it will not affect blood levels of estrogen or interfere with what the testosterone's doing for you systemically:

It looks like vaginal DHEA and possibly vaginal testosterone can also do the trick, though the latter seems to be in the "looks promising but needs more research" stage rather than a standard prescription:

https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/frph.2021.783247/full
https://www.medpagetoday.com/meetingcoverage/smsna/101492

[kindkit]

Huh, interesting. And I'm weirdly amused by the idea of vaginal testosterone. (I know everybody makes testosterone, in varying amounts. But there's still something wonderfully incongruous about it. Possibly I've just been encountering too much TERF rhetoric lately about how Real Women are never contaminated with evil testosterone in their systems!)

[rydra_wong]

The TERFs must be SO disappointed that testosterone is increasingly being included in HRT for menopause.

[kindkit]

I get all the fun of those symptoms without the infection

That sounds horrible. Are there treatments that help, or do you just have to put up with it?

Thanks for the information! I've done only a little bit of basic googling so it's great to find out more.

I'm hoping to avoid topical estrogen, just for emotional reasons even though it usually doesn't have systemic effects. But if I get another bout of UTIs anytime soon, we'll see.

[rydra_wong]

That sounds horrible.

Yup! The sleep deprivation has been the worst (waking up at hourly intervals through the night needing to pee when it's bad).

Are there treatments that help, or do you just have to put up with it?

There are some meds, but I'm currently trying to avoid them because they have the potential to fuck up some of my other health issues.

First line of defense is avoiding food triggers; I used to be basically fine as long as I avoided citrus and tomatoes, then in the past few years I've started getting sensitive to more things, then circa February my body suddenly went HA FUCK YOU NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE A FLARE-UP IN RESPONSE TO ALMOST ALL COMMON IC TRGGERS.

Now I have a short list of things I know I can safely eat. Which is immensely tedious and boring, but means I'm no longer waking up on the hour so I'll take it. Hoping I'll be able to expand the list a bit as things stablize.

Also a bunch of supplements and enough marshmallow root tea to float a small boat.

I'm hoping to avoid topical estrogen, just for emotional reasons even though it usually doesn't have systemic effects.

Yeah, I get why that would feel wrong/weird. I wondered if the DHEA might feel less wrong from that angle (it's a precursor to both estrogen and androgens). And it looks like it's holding up very strongly specifically for UTI prevention:

https://www.urologytimes.com/view/vaginal-dhea-linked-with-decreased-uti-prevalence-in-patients-with-genitourinary-syndrome-of-menopause

Looks like it also works for overactive bladder, so I'm absolutely taking notes for personal reference here (IC, OAB and "painful bladder syndrome" are a cluster of stuff with overlapping labels):

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0301211521002803

[rydra_wong]

Belatedly: sea buckthorn oil may be a thing (study done on postmenopausal women, but it should be applicable because it's the low estrogen that causes the issue):

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25104582/