Sometimes I finish things
Dec. 17th, 2025 04:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mergatrudeI have a number of projects on the go - some I start just so that my idle hands have something to do, some where I have hit a snag and put aside until I can figure it out, some I get bored with. BUT! I finished the cowl I started knitting in March for a friend's birthday in September!
( cut for photo and blather )
( cut for photo and blather )
Daily Happiness
Dec. 16th, 2025 08:39 pmtorachan1. Carla needed the car for an appointment today so since we've still only got the one, I worked from home. I didn't have anything that required being in the office anyway, so it worked out.
2. Speaking of the car, they finally found the leak, yay! It should be fixed tomorrow or Thursday. The not so yay part is that apparently it was not a malfunction but was caused by a rock or something getting kicked up into the engine, so we will have to pay for it. We have the money, so it's not a problem in that regard. I'd just rather spend my money on nicer things than car repairs. :p
3. Molly's getting cozy.
2. Speaking of the car, they finally found the leak, yay! It should be fixed tomorrow or Thursday. The not so yay part is that apparently it was not a malfunction but was caused by a rock or something getting kicked up into the engine, so we will have to pay for it. We have the money, so it's not a problem in that regard. I'd just rather spend my money on nicer things than car repairs. :p
3. Molly's getting cozy.
Recent reading
Dec. 16th, 2025 10:38 pmtroisoiseauxRead The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul by Douglas Adams, picked up at a used book sale; it's technically the sequel to Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, a book I have never actually read,* although it made enough sense on its own and the parts that were cheerfully nonsensical would not, I suspect, have been made less so by reading the first book. If I had a nickel for every novel I've read about Norse gods running around 1980s England, I would— scratch that, I'd only have one nickel, because it turns out Diana Wynne Jones' Eight Days of Luke was published in 1975, but look, my point stands. (Ooh, now I want the fanfic where a now-adult David and Kate meet and compare notes.) It also reminded me a lot of Good Omens, even more than the usual base level of Douglas Adams 🤝 Terry Pratchett similar vibes, maybe because the two meet on the middle ground of "fantasy in (then-)contemporary real world" between the usual distance of Adams' sci-fi and Pratchett's secondary-world fantasy? Anyway, found myself boggled by some of the specifically '80s details, including the depiction of a pre-2000s airport and the running joke that a. pizza delivery was not a thing in London (?) and b. that this was the main thing New Yorker protagonist Kate was homesick about. (I found this especially curious since I don't associate New York City pizza places with delivery, but then again, I don't live in NYC...?)
* I watched the delightful and sadly short-lived TV adaptation that shares a title and apparently little else, some years back, and definitely tried reading the book at some point after that, but it didn't stick.
* I watched the delightful and sadly short-lived TV adaptation that shares a title and apparently little else, some years back, and definitely tried reading the book at some point after that, but it didn't stick.
as widely requested
Dec. 16th, 2025 04:50 pmradiantfractureThis was the best of the gingerbread cuneiform. I put the good ones in the freezer to give to pals tomorrow at brunch and will eat the rest, or something. This is one of the maple syrup tables, which were lighter in colour and held the clarity slightly better. (More water, therefore harder texture? Not sure.)
I copied characters from Andrew George's excellent renderings of the tablets, as any photos I looked at were way too unclear. However, I freely skipped tricky characters or sections. Sîn-lēqi-unninni would be pissed.
ETA: Oh, I believe this text is taken from a fragment of the third tablet.
§rf§
I copied characters from Andrew George's excellent renderings of the tablets, as any photos I looked at were way too unclear. However, I freely skipped tricky characters or sections. Sîn-lēqi-unninni would be pissed.
ETA: Oh, I believe this text is taken from a fragment of the third tablet.
§rf§
How to build your own Talk To Jesus ‘A.I.’ at home
Dec. 16th, 2025 09:04 pm![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
slacktivist_feedOur electric bills are soaring thanks to "A.I." data centers, but it's worth it for a tech break-through that is almost, but not quite, as useful as an origami fortune teller.
Maybe seeing some connections?
Dec. 16th, 2025 07:49 pmoursinI will concede that this piece on sperm donation is not about dodgy docs or freelance 'donors' but it still all sounds fairly spooky: Why are sperm donors having hundreds of children? Because while, okay, some criteria seem reasonable:
Rules vary across the world, but in the UK you also have to be relatively young - aged 18-45; be free of infections like HIV and gonorrhoea, and not be a carrier of mutations that can cause genetic conditions like cystic fibrosis, spinal muscular atrophy and sickle cell disease.
Errrr: don't I recollect seeing somewhere that the gene that conveys sickle cell, is actually protective against ?malaria so it was/is actually beneficial in certain environments - and it was like haemophilia that you had to get it from both sides for the dangers to show up?
From this small pool of donors, some men's sperm is just more popular than others.
Donors are not chosen at random. It's a similar process to the savage reality of dating apps, when some men get way more matches than others.... "You know if they're called Sven and they've got blonde hair, and they're 6 ft 4 (1.93m) and they're an athlete, and they play the fiddle and speak seven languages - you know that's far more attractive than a donor that looks like me," says male fertility expert Prof Allan Pacey, pictured, who used to run a sperm bank in Sheffield.
And how much of that is down to environment, hmmmmm? Or at least, non-genetic factors.
I am over here muttering 'Morlock Power!'
On men spreading it about, historically speaking: the challenges of illegitimacy when exploring genealogy and how to find that shadowy figure who is not on the birth certificate/in the baptismal register. (With luck he had a bastard sworn upon him when that was a thing, otherwise it's a lot more work and a lot of surmising.)
Let's blame the woman, let's let's let's, she probably did something wrong: Marked: Birthmarks and Historical Myths of Maternal Responsibility - which just mutatates and mutates, no?
A conversation with historian Dagmar Herzog on Fascism’s Body Politics and disability under fascism in her new book, The New Fascist Body
And I think relating to all these sorts of issues: Reproductive norms: stigma and disruptions in family-building:
Our expectations of conception, reproduction, and family-building are imbued with reproductive norms. In our younger years, we may imagine and expect that we will have a certain number of children at specific ages or points in the life-course, and in particular circumstances. We may think that conception will be straightforward, pregnancy will pass without complications, and our children will be healthy and without disabilities or impairments. We may have hazy, dreamy ideas of what our children will be like and perhaps more defined ideas of what we will be like as parents.
Stranger Things: Like a Virgin, by mistresscurvy
Dec. 16th, 2025 11:03 amrunpunkrun posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
fancakeFandom: Stranger Things
Pairings/Characters: Will Byers/Mike Wheeler
Rating: Explicit
Length: 26,183 words
Creator Link:![[archiveofourown.org profile]](https://p2.dreamwidth.org/b164c54b26e4/-/archiveofourown.org/favicon.ico)
mistresscurvy
Theme: Amnesty, First Time, Canon LGBTQ+ Characters, Research, Futurefic, Friendship
Summary: "Did it ever occur to any of you that I might not want to have my only sexual experiences be with someone who isn't actually interested in me?" Will asked.
He was met by three identical looks of confusion. "I mean, it would still be sex," Dustin said finally.
Reccer's Notes: Set after a season four where, yes, a lot of people died. But the kids are seventeen now, and Mike and Will are both virgins, which Mike is very concerned about: Cue the 80s teen sex comedy. Unlike much of that genre, though, this isn't gross or embarrassing, and everybody's having a good time. I adored Will here, kind of baffled by what Mike's gotten them into, yet excited about it too, and it's wonderful to see him stand up for himself, confident enough to be honest about who he is and what he wants. Plus it includes the entire crew, even Argyle!
Fanwork Link: Like a Virgin
Pairings/Characters: Will Byers/Mike Wheeler
Rating: Explicit
Length: 26,183 words
Creator Link:
Theme: Amnesty, First Time, Canon LGBTQ+ Characters, Research, Futurefic, Friendship
Summary: "Did it ever occur to any of you that I might not want to have my only sexual experiences be with someone who isn't actually interested in me?" Will asked.
He was met by three identical looks of confusion. "I mean, it would still be sex," Dustin said finally.
Reccer's Notes: Set after a season four where, yes, a lot of people died. But the kids are seventeen now, and Mike and Will are both virgins, which Mike is very concerned about: Cue the 80s teen sex comedy. Unlike much of that genre, though, this isn't gross or embarrassing, and everybody's having a good time. I adored Will here, kind of baffled by what Mike's gotten them into, yet excited about it too, and it's wonderful to see him stand up for himself, confident enough to be honest about who he is and what he wants. Plus it includes the entire crew, even Argyle!
Fanwork Link: Like a Virgin
(no subject)
Dec. 16th, 2025 02:01 pmconuly posting in agonyauntDear Care and Feeding,
I’m dreading having to have a talk with my husband, “Winston,” and our 30-year-old son, “Nick.” Nick moved in with us a year ago. The move was necessary to get him out of a dangerous relationship, and Winston agreed beforehand, although he implied he expected it to be a temporary situation. Now my husband has built up resentment against Nick over the last year because he hasn’t taken steps to move out. But I understand why Nick hasn’t moved out: We live in a resort area, where rent is atrociously high and places to rent are scarce.
Nick works about 60 hours a week at a decent-paying job, so he isn’t home much. He contributes to household expenses, brings home food from work, helps take care of pets, and if asked, will generally help out with other things. Could he do more? Of course, he could, but he’s not trashing the house, taking drugs, playing loud music at all hours, or being rude and disrespectful.
Here’s the things Winston resents: He and Nick’s dog hate each other, and the dog barks at Winn when he passes Nick’s room. The dog is old and grouchy, and was abused by Nick’s former roommate. Nick works late and comes home around midnight, which disturbs Winston’s sleep. Nick is forgetful (ADHD) and often needs reminders to complete tasks, but Winston thinks he should only have to say something once.
This all leads to Winston being resentful and snippy, which makes Nick defensive, and then we have a big blow-up where both say hurtful things. These blow-ups have led to Nick trying to leave in the middle of the night after being in an accident (on crutches, no car, and no phone, near freezing outside). I’ve had to physically step between them and tell Winn to back off and shut up to keep it from getting physical.
My husband now deals with all of this by not making any requests directly to Nick (he asks me to tell him), and venting to me, which makes me feel like I’m constantly caught in the middle (suggesting he talk directly to Nick would lead to more blow ups). But, I understand Winston’s frustration. This is not what we planned for retirement! However, there’s no way I could be content knowing my son was living in subpar housing or with dangerous, untrustworthy people like he was before he moved in with us.
I need to get these two to get along. Nick needs to step up a bit more, and Winston needs to be more patient and understanding—before I go crazy or he blows up again and Nick ends up walking out and living in his car. Where do I go from here?
—In the Middle and on Eggshells
( Read more... )
I’m dreading having to have a talk with my husband, “Winston,” and our 30-year-old son, “Nick.” Nick moved in with us a year ago. The move was necessary to get him out of a dangerous relationship, and Winston agreed beforehand, although he implied he expected it to be a temporary situation. Now my husband has built up resentment against Nick over the last year because he hasn’t taken steps to move out. But I understand why Nick hasn’t moved out: We live in a resort area, where rent is atrociously high and places to rent are scarce.
Nick works about 60 hours a week at a decent-paying job, so he isn’t home much. He contributes to household expenses, brings home food from work, helps take care of pets, and if asked, will generally help out with other things. Could he do more? Of course, he could, but he’s not trashing the house, taking drugs, playing loud music at all hours, or being rude and disrespectful.
Here’s the things Winston resents: He and Nick’s dog hate each other, and the dog barks at Winn when he passes Nick’s room. The dog is old and grouchy, and was abused by Nick’s former roommate. Nick works late and comes home around midnight, which disturbs Winston’s sleep. Nick is forgetful (ADHD) and often needs reminders to complete tasks, but Winston thinks he should only have to say something once.
This all leads to Winston being resentful and snippy, which makes Nick defensive, and then we have a big blow-up where both say hurtful things. These blow-ups have led to Nick trying to leave in the middle of the night after being in an accident (on crutches, no car, and no phone, near freezing outside). I’ve had to physically step between them and tell Winn to back off and shut up to keep it from getting physical.
My husband now deals with all of this by not making any requests directly to Nick (he asks me to tell him), and venting to me, which makes me feel like I’m constantly caught in the middle (suggesting he talk directly to Nick would lead to more blow ups). But, I understand Winston’s frustration. This is not what we planned for retirement! However, there’s no way I could be content knowing my son was living in subpar housing or with dangerous, untrustworthy people like he was before he moved in with us.
I need to get these two to get along. Nick needs to step up a bit more, and Winston needs to be more patient and understanding—before I go crazy or he blows up again and Nick ends up walking out and living in his car. Where do I go from here?
—In the Middle and on Eggshells
( Read more... )
This and that and history
Dec. 16th, 2025 07:02 pmselenakWatched completely on Apple +: Down Cemetery Road, a new series (I would have written miniseries, except I hear there'll be a second season), based on an earlier novel by Slow Horses author Mick Heron. Starring Emma Thompson and Ruth Wilson, both cast somewhat against type and having fun with it. Emma Thompson plays Zoe, a cynical private detective right out of the hard boiled age, if that one had female cynical hard drinking PI's, Ruth Wilson plays Sarah, starting out as somewhat naive, idealistic and disorganized. (I have seen Ruth Wilson in roles where she isn't a brilliant sociopath before! I swear I did! But Alice and Marisa Coulter are just so memorable!) Zoe starts out the story married, to another P.I. who is more the benevolent goodshoe type and whom she has feelings for but cheats on and generally argues a lot with, while Sarah is with a guy hiding total jerkness between a placid facade, but before the pilot is over, neither of these relationships are existent anymore. Both women - who live in Oxford, not London, which is a change, but the action doesn't stay there - through different ways find themselves uncovering the central dastardly plot which unsurprising given the author the show is based on involves fuck-ups by awful government agencies and the attempt to cover this up which leads to an ever higher body count. The Zoe and the Sarah storylines after a brief meeting in the pilot stay apart for half the season, and I was about to complain, but then the second half reunites them and gives me these actresses playing superbly against each other. If I have one complaint, it's that there wasn't really a pay-off for the existence of Talia the new defense secretary. But presumably in the second season?
Started to watch and stopped watching: Gunpowder on Amazon Prime. Look, show, two podcasts managed to turn me around on James VI and I and got me interested in Stuarts beyond the Restoration era, I'm in the market for this ! I'm also with you pointing out Catholics got a truly rough deal in the late Elizabethan and in the James era. But Kit Harrington brooding as Robert Catesby isn't going to cut it, and who does Mark Gatiss as Robert Cecil think he's playing, Shakespeare's Richard III?
Started watching, may or may not continue: The Name of the Rose, new tv version on Disney +. I mean, if there is an early 1980s novel begging for the miniseries treatment, it's absolutely that one, the OG Murders at a Monastery story. I would have thought a mniseries could offer the chance to include a lot more from the novel than the movie was able to, but foolish me, the show creators instead thought they needed some adiditional subplots. Adson now starts out as not really a novice, though he wants to be, because his father wants him with the imperial army instead. That's right, he now has Daddy Issues. (This is where you can tell there must be some American money involved.) William of Baskerville, aka the cleverest Holmes avatar in another setting before House, is played by John Turturro, who doesn't look anymore like the (reddish blonde) William of the book than Sean Connery did but does a decent job playing him. Somewhat unsurprisingly, like the movie, the series beefs up the part of Bernard(o) Gui. Who in the book shows up only in the second half and leaves again long before the big showdown, but Jean-Jacques Annoud already decided he didn't want an evil inquistor going to waste, but apparantly so did the creators of this one, so while Gui still doesn't arrive in the monastery before half point, we see him being evil and fanatical en route in every freaking episode. Did I mention there are new subplots? About which Adson, who is our narrator (voiced as an old man by Peter Davison, omg, that was a nice surprise), can't know?
( More spoilery observations for the first part of the series )
Incidentally, the excellent podcast History of the Germans (currently in its "Fall and Rise of the House of Habsburg" season where the family with the famous chin and lower lip first seemingly hits rock bottom in three generations before young Maximilian marries Marie of Burgundy) did a great episode last year about the actual political and theological background of the rl events The Name of the Rose touches on, hilariously summarized as "Der Kurverein zu Rhens - starring William of Ockham and the cast of the Name of the Rose". You can listen to it or read the transcript here.
Started to watch and stopped watching: Gunpowder on Amazon Prime. Look, show, two podcasts managed to turn me around on James VI and I and got me interested in Stuarts beyond the Restoration era, I'm in the market for this ! I'm also with you pointing out Catholics got a truly rough deal in the late Elizabethan and in the James era. But Kit Harrington brooding as Robert Catesby isn't going to cut it, and who does Mark Gatiss as Robert Cecil think he's playing, Shakespeare's Richard III?
Started watching, may or may not continue: The Name of the Rose, new tv version on Disney +. I mean, if there is an early 1980s novel begging for the miniseries treatment, it's absolutely that one, the OG Murders at a Monastery story. I would have thought a mniseries could offer the chance to include a lot more from the novel than the movie was able to, but foolish me, the show creators instead thought they needed some adiditional subplots. Adson now starts out as not really a novice, though he wants to be, because his father wants him with the imperial army instead. That's right, he now has Daddy Issues. (This is where you can tell there must be some American money involved.) William of Baskerville, aka the cleverest Holmes avatar in another setting before House, is played by John Turturro, who doesn't look anymore like the (reddish blonde) William of the book than Sean Connery did but does a decent job playing him. Somewhat unsurprisingly, like the movie, the series beefs up the part of Bernard(o) Gui. Who in the book shows up only in the second half and leaves again long before the big showdown, but Jean-Jacques Annoud already decided he didn't want an evil inquistor going to waste, but apparantly so did the creators of this one, so while Gui still doesn't arrive in the monastery before half point, we see him being evil and fanatical en route in every freaking episode. Did I mention there are new subplots? About which Adson, who is our narrator (voiced as an old man by Peter Davison, omg, that was a nice surprise), can't know?
( More spoilery observations for the first part of the series )
Incidentally, the excellent podcast History of the Germans (currently in its "Fall and Rise of the House of Habsburg" season where the family with the famous chin and lower lip first seemingly hits rock bottom in three generations before young Maximilian marries Marie of Burgundy) did a great episode last year about the actual political and theological background of the rl events The Name of the Rose touches on, hilariously summarized as "Der Kurverein zu Rhens - starring William of Ockham and the cast of the Name of the Rose". You can listen to it or read the transcript here.
It's time to change partners again
Dec. 16th, 2025 11:51 amsovayOn this particularly bright and sleepless morning which began with a formal call from the career center, events otherwise known as radiantfracture and Existential Comics having conspired to bring the Tractactus to the forefront of my mind, I have decided that the most cursed translation of Wovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muss man schweigen is "I feel that if a person can't communicate, the very least he can do is to shut up."
radiantfracture and Existential Comics having conspired to bring the Tractactus to the forefront of my mind, I have decided that the most cursed translation of Wovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muss man schweigen is "I feel that if a person can't communicate, the very least he can do is to shut up."[#283 | First Impressions] Voting Post
Dec. 16th, 2025 11:29 amfanweeklymod posting in fandomweeklyApologies again for the delay on this! The laptop should be home tonight, so voting will close on time.
Here are the entries for this challenge:
( List of entries )
Please Note: Because we only have 3 entries this week, there is only a First Place and Runner Up to vote for!
In order to vote, please reply to this post using the form provided. All comments are screened, and entries are listed in the order they were submitted. For your vote to qualify, you must fill out your entire voting card (both spots) in order to be counted. Winner votes are worth 2 points, Runner Up votes are worth 1 point. Meeting the bonus goal on an entry gets an extra point for that submission.
When voting, please copy/paste the ENTRY NUMBER and the FIC TITLE from the list above into the spot you're voting for (this prevents accidentally mis-numbering a vote and casting it for the wrong entry). It should look like this:
First Place: 61. Fic Title Here
Runner Up: 88. Another Fic Title
Please note that you cannot vote for your own entry, and that votes cannot be made anonymously. You do not have to be a member of the community in order to vote, nor have submitted an entry for this week; everyone is welcome to participate in the voting. IP addresses are logged to prevent duplicate voting.
Voting closes Wednesday, December 17 at 9:00PM EST.
Here are the entries for this challenge:
( List of entries )
Please Note: Because we only have 3 entries this week, there is only a First Place and Runner Up to vote for!
In order to vote, please reply to this post using the form provided. All comments are screened, and entries are listed in the order they were submitted. For your vote to qualify, you must fill out your entire voting card (both spots) in order to be counted. Winner votes are worth 2 points, Runner Up votes are worth 1 point. Meeting the bonus goal on an entry gets an extra point for that submission.
When voting, please copy/paste the ENTRY NUMBER and the FIC TITLE from the list above into the spot you're voting for (this prevents accidentally mis-numbering a vote and casting it for the wrong entry). It should look like this:
First Place: 61. Fic Title Here
Runner Up: 88. Another Fic Title
Please note that you cannot vote for your own entry, and that votes cannot be made anonymously. You do not have to be a member of the community in order to vote, nor have submitted an entry for this week; everyone is welcome to participate in the voting. IP addresses are logged to prevent duplicate voting.
Voting closes Wednesday, December 17 at 9:00PM EST.
(no subject)
Dec. 16th, 2025 08:52 amautobotscoutriella posting in fandomweeklyApologies for the lack of a voting post last night, folks - RL happened and I've been inconveniently computerless for a couple days. Post will be up as soon as I can sort it out on a work computer!
/friendly neighborhood mod, on her personal
/friendly neighborhood mod, on her personal
Torchwood: Fanfic: Devastating Discovery
Dec. 16th, 2025 01:38 pmbadly_knitted posting in fan_flashworksTitle: Devastating Discovery
Fandom: Torchwood
Author:
badly_knittedCharacters: Ianto, Meriel, Jack, Nosy.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 787
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: Meriel is having a bit of a meltdown
Content Notes: None needed.
Written For: Challenge 500: Flood.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters.
So
Dec. 16th, 2025 11:19 amrydra_wong... I just beat Ornstein and Smough.
For anyone who would like context -- Symbalily meets and gets to grips with O&S, from the timestamp: https://youtu.be/3TKhwbveyVE?si=14uuwYlVq1ywUwRk&t=5681
For anyone who would like context -- Symbalily meets and gets to grips with O&S, from the timestamp: https://youtu.be/3TKhwbveyVE?si=14uuwYlVq1ywUwRk&t=5681
(no subject)
Dec. 16th, 2025 06:12 amconuly posting in agonyauntDear Prudence,
My sister and I are identical twins, but we grew up terrorizing each other. I was the girly girl, while she was on her way to a PhD in preschool. I had a learning disorder, and my sister would constantly correct people and say she wasn’t the ”stupid” one—I was.
My sister started the college track in ninth grade while I went to a middling school. Our parents did their best to treat us equally and celebrate our accomplishments, but you really can’t compare taking a beauty school test to getting a master’s at 21. I will admit I gave as good as I could get. If my sister were the smart one, I was the pretty one, which was stupid, as we were identical twins. I want to say we settled down and grew up to be close, but that would be a lie.
When I got married and was obsessed with all the details, our cousin jokingly called me a bridezilla, and my sister cut her off. She told her this was my big day, and it wasn’t like I accomplished anything else worth noting. This wasn’t the first or last time my sister said stuff like this. I have been married for 15 years and have two beautiful children. We used IVF and have a few embryos still left frozen.
My husband and I were debating whether to have a third child when my sister bulldozed in. She was ready to be a mom, had everything planned out, saved, and sorted, except her eggs weren’t viable. So the completely obvious solution was to give her our embryos!
We refused, and my sister threw a fit. I was apparently stealing her only chance to be a mother, and worse, my parents are on her side. They think that giving her the embryos costs us “nothing,” and we already have children, so I was denying my sister out of pure spite. I don’t know how I would feel if my sister bothered to ask rather than make a demand, but it was a demand and one that isn’t happening. My problem is that I am very afraid it might permanently poison my relationship with my parents. We were supposed to travel to their place for Christmas, but after all this, I am afraid to. Help!
—Twin Trouble
( Read more... )
My sister and I are identical twins, but we grew up terrorizing each other. I was the girly girl, while she was on her way to a PhD in preschool. I had a learning disorder, and my sister would constantly correct people and say she wasn’t the ”stupid” one—I was.
My sister started the college track in ninth grade while I went to a middling school. Our parents did their best to treat us equally and celebrate our accomplishments, but you really can’t compare taking a beauty school test to getting a master’s at 21. I will admit I gave as good as I could get. If my sister were the smart one, I was the pretty one, which was stupid, as we were identical twins. I want to say we settled down and grew up to be close, but that would be a lie.
When I got married and was obsessed with all the details, our cousin jokingly called me a bridezilla, and my sister cut her off. She told her this was my big day, and it wasn’t like I accomplished anything else worth noting. This wasn’t the first or last time my sister said stuff like this. I have been married for 15 years and have two beautiful children. We used IVF and have a few embryos still left frozen.
My husband and I were debating whether to have a third child when my sister bulldozed in. She was ready to be a mom, had everything planned out, saved, and sorted, except her eggs weren’t viable. So the completely obvious solution was to give her our embryos!
We refused, and my sister threw a fit. I was apparently stealing her only chance to be a mother, and worse, my parents are on her side. They think that giving her the embryos costs us “nothing,” and we already have children, so I was denying my sister out of pure spite. I don’t know how I would feel if my sister bothered to ask rather than make a demand, but it was a demand and one that isn’t happening. My problem is that I am very afraid it might permanently poison my relationship with my parents. We were supposed to travel to their place for Christmas, but after all this, I am afraid to. Help!
—Twin Trouble
( Read more... )
(no subject)
Dec. 16th, 2025 06:02 amconuly posting in agonyauntDear Care and Feeding,
When she was 8, we adopted “Alina.” She was the daughter of a close friend, and lost both her parents in an extra painful way. Understandably, she was in a lot of pain the first few years and needed extra parental support. But she worked hard in therapy, and we supported her, and at 15, she’s doing well. The problem is more with our other kids, her siblings. They love each other, but they are all convinced she needs extra care and protection all the time, when actually she’s ready to grow. She’s been pushing back at it, but I think it’s time for us to step in as parents. She says she needs room to mess up and have her own social life, and I think that’s fair.
A classmate asks Alina to the fall dance, and she accepts? Her 14-year-old brother steps in and tells him it will be a double date with him and his girlfriend. Alina dies of embarrassment. Our teens are going to swim at the public pool? Without Alina, they just go together. With Alina, her 16-year-old sister announces they must have an adult. This type of stuff seems to have ramped up since she started high school, and I don’t know how to dial it down. I’m glad her siblings love and support her, but they shouldn’t be taking on this extra role, and she’s also asked them to stop so she can learn on her own. We absolutely do not want to set up a weird dynamic between our kids, but it feels like it’s already started. I love that they look out for each other, but it needs to be appropriate. My husband and I had multiple conversations with the kids about this, but it only stops them from doing concrete examples we mention, not the overall behavior.
—Give Her Space
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When she was 8, we adopted “Alina.” She was the daughter of a close friend, and lost both her parents in an extra painful way. Understandably, she was in a lot of pain the first few years and needed extra parental support. But she worked hard in therapy, and we supported her, and at 15, she’s doing well. The problem is more with our other kids, her siblings. They love each other, but they are all convinced she needs extra care and protection all the time, when actually she’s ready to grow. She’s been pushing back at it, but I think it’s time for us to step in as parents. She says she needs room to mess up and have her own social life, and I think that’s fair.
A classmate asks Alina to the fall dance, and she accepts? Her 14-year-old brother steps in and tells him it will be a double date with him and his girlfriend. Alina dies of embarrassment. Our teens are going to swim at the public pool? Without Alina, they just go together. With Alina, her 16-year-old sister announces they must have an adult. This type of stuff seems to have ramped up since she started high school, and I don’t know how to dial it down. I’m glad her siblings love and support her, but they shouldn’t be taking on this extra role, and she’s also asked them to stop so she can learn on her own. We absolutely do not want to set up a weird dynamic between our kids, but it feels like it’s already started. I love that they look out for each other, but it needs to be appropriate. My husband and I had multiple conversations with the kids about this, but it only stops them from doing concrete examples we mention, not the overall behavior.
—Give Her Space
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